Reconciliation
by heavenly-vixen
Summary: Sequel to Confession. As Jackie and Hyde arrive in California, they have a lot of work to do to repair their relationship and their trust in each other. Will have a shippy ending. Rated for language. NOW COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

Sequel to Confession.

**_Prologue_**

Steven Hyde sat silent, 30,000 feet in the air, flying to the otherside of the country. They'd been flying for an hour. Sitting side by side . Yet they hadn't said a word. Nothing since he kissed her. She'd stared out the window the whole time. The only acklowledgement of his presence; her hand holding his. He'd never been good with words, he'd always preferred silence, but now he wanted her to talk.

"You haven't said anything." He stated. He knew why she was silent. But he couldn't stand it.. He wanted, needed, her to talk. About anything. To chew his ear off about ABBA or Donny Osmond or shoes. Anything. He just needed to hear her voice.

"I don't want to have this conversation on the plane. I want to wait until we're in California and at the apartment. And if I talk now. About anything. We'll end up getting into it. I don't want that."

He knew she was right. And a little part of him scoffed at the thought. He'd never really given her enough credit. She was so much smarter than any of them gave her credit for. And caring and compassionate. He, of all people, should have known that. And yet he'd allowed himself to believe that the shallow mask she wore was who she really was. He still wasn't sure why he'd done it. He suspected it made it easier for him to be without her. If he believed that she really was all the things he hated, ignoring that he knew different, he could hate her and no longer being 'Jackie's boyfriend' wouldn't hurt so much.

He'd honestly never realised how much pain he'd been causing her. How hurt she was. He had convincingly tricked himself into believing the act she played. And he was angrier with himself than he'd ever been before for allowing everything to get to that point. For things to get that bad.

He had no disillusions about their future. It was rocky and uncertain. He knew that when they arrived in San Francisco, he'd be spending the night and all that followed for the foreseeable furture, on the sofa. He knew Jackie would yell and scream and probably even cry. He knew that she would want answers and he knew that it was going to be the hardest time in their twisted relationship. But he also knew, they'd come through the otherside strong. He respected her wishes and he stayed quiet. Opting instead to work through the last few months in his head and search for the answers she was bound to need.

So Steven Hyde sat silent on the plane to California and squeezed the hand of his ex-girlfriend. Whom he finally knew, without a doubt, he wanted to be his wife.

TBC...


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The scenery flew past as they headed to her apartment but Jackie Burkhart didn't notcie any of it. She was to preoccupied with the man sitting beside her in the dingy little cab to notice anything. There was so much they still had to work through and so many things that had to be said. After the initial shock of his arrival at the airport, she'd sat on the plane second guessing her actions. She was terrified and not for the first time since she'd initially left for Chicago, she wasn't sure they were meant to be together.

She knew that the minute they were inside her new apartment the talking would start. And the arguments would follow. What she didn't know was whether or not she was capable of forgiving him. Forgiving him the way she had to, to be able to move on and have a life with him. Too many things had happened, too many things had been said, and too much had changed.

But he was there. And that was a start. He'd made the step, and for him it was a huge step, to repairing their damaged relationship. She owed it to herself to see if this relationship that she'd held so dear, was able to be saved, so she could be with the man she loved so much.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when the car stopped infront of her building. It was a nice building and a nice apartment. Much nicer than she thought she'd be able to afford and she let herself bask in the glow that it was hers just for the moment. Forgetting about the problems that were waiting for her inside. Her furniture and belongings had arrived a few days earlier and she was looking forward to just plopping down on her bed and sleeping. It had been such an exhausting few weeks. But with that thought, her reality snapped rudely back into her mind.

She took two suticases and allowed Steven to take the rest, and led him up to her apartment. She smiled softly when they entered. She'd forgotten just how much she loved this place. The sun basked the living room in all the right places making it feel warm and safe. Like home. The little kitchen just off the living room was probably too small for anyone else, but it was new and it was everything she needed. When she'd first seen it she'd been so excited that she'd decided to take cooking classes. And her bedroom had a beautiful view of the bay. As she walked in, with her suitcases, she quickly headed over to the bed. She dropped the suitcases at the foot and headed over to the window. She opened it and smiled as she breathed in the unmistakeable smell of the ocean. She had been so looking forward to waking up here every morning. But a part of her had been sad that she'd be waking up alone. That Steven would never share this with her.

Jackie opened her eyes and turned towards the bedroom door. He was standing there, watching her. She didn't know what to say. He wasn't wearing his sunglasses and his eyes were piercing into her. Reading her very soul. Now he knew for certain that she was afraid. She'd never been able to hide anything from him when he'd looked at her like that. It had once been a comfort, that he was able to know her so well without any words, but now she didn't like that she couldn't hide her fear. She wanted to be zen.

Hyde started walking towards her and stood beside her infront of the large window.

"It's time to talk, isn't it?" She asked. But she knew the answer. He nodded and reached out to take her hand. She smiled softly as the familiar tingle ran through her from his touch. She nodded and headed towards the living room, her hand still in his, as he followed her. She took a deep breath and steadied herself, preparing herself for the long and emotional night they were heading towards.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 2

**_A/N: _**I just want to send a huge thank you out to Goddess Usagi who helped me out so much on this chapter. Thank you bella, love you..

This Chapter is dedicated to Goddess Usagi!

_**Chapter 2**_

They stood in Jackie's living room just staring at each other. Hyde had assumed she'd want to start, but now he could see the fear in her eyes and knew it was up to him.

"What are you afraid of?" He asked gently as he stepped closer to her. The hard part was over. At least he thought it was. Coming here. Putting it all on the line to be here with her was the hard part, wasn't it?

"Who says I'm afraid? She asked with indignation.

"Come on Jacks. You're terrified of something. What is it? Me? What Jacks? Tell me." He rushed. Her behaviour for the past few hours had been frightening him.

"You. Me. Us. Everything." She yelled when his assault of questions had ended. He looked at her shocked. He never thought she'd ever be afraid of him. He wasn't supposed to be someone in her life to fear. Yet she was almost shaking.

"Me? You're afraid of me?" He looked at her shocked, his eyes begging her to take it back. To tell him that of course she wasn't afraid of him. But she just looked at him and walked into the kitchen. It seemed so familiar. She'd looked at him like that when he couldn't give her an answer other than 'I don't know' and then walked out of the basement. He'd wanted to go after her then. He'd wanted her to stay and argue with him and force him to say the things he was too afraid to say. As he watched her disappear into the kitchen, anger welled inside him. He stalked after her. "Don't walk away from me." He yelled.

Jackie jumped as his angry voice screamed at her. Suddenly the fear that had been overwhelming her subsided and she was filled with an all consuming rage.

"How dare you. You have no right to tell me what to do. I can do whatever the hell I want." She screamed at him, the blood rushing to her face and setting her anger ablaze.

"Like walk away from me after I move to the otherside of the country for you? It's not like I wanted to come here. You were the one who gave me the ultimatum. Now that I'm here, we are damn well going to fix this." His anger was taking over and he was reverting to old habits. He was saying things he didn't mean, to hurt her. He knew it. But he couldn't stop. The anger was too great.

"And we're back to it being my fault. It's always someone's else's fault isn't it steven? The government. Michael. Me. You never take responsibility for your own actions. You never could." She yelled. She was sick of him blaming anyone and everyone for everything that went wrong or not according to plan.

"It's always about Kelso isn't it?" No matter how far he'd always thought they'd come, it always seemed to come straight back to her ex. And he was damn sick of it.

"No. You always make it about Michael. No matter what I do or say, you always bring him into our relationship, into our problems. He was never a problem Steven. He was never a threat. You made him one." She stressed, trying in her angered state to tell him exactly what she'd been telling him for the past 3 years. That it was over between her and Michael. That Steven had to get over it.

"And I suppose it was my fault that I walked in on you two at the hotel huh?" His voice dripped with sarcasm and fueled her anger further.

"No. But there was nothing going on. If you'd hung around, instead of running away you would have found that out. But Sam was your fault. You never trusting me. That was your fault. And the reason I was in that hotel room was your fault." She'd been so angry that he'd walked away from her that night. She'd tried to find him. But he was gone and they never really had the chance to talk about it. To work through it. And although it was being brought to the front now, Jackie new that tonight was not the night they'd find closure on that issue.

"You want to blame me for that too? You were the one who was demanding things again. And you were the one who bailed when I didn't give in like a good little boy."

"Give in? All I ever wanted from you was assurance that you still wanted me. That you loved me and that as far as you could see into your future, you wanted me in it. I really didn't think that was too much to ask."

"Too much to ask? Jackie you never ask. You demand. You demand I do what you want, when you want it. And when I don't, you flip. You turn back into the shallow, selfish, little princess." The words had left his mouth before he could stop himself. He didn't know why she brought this out in him. But he knew he didn't like it. And he knew that it would only spur argument on.

"And that's just the whole point isn't it? That's all you've ever seen me as. Some spoiled, rich, little cheerleader. And that's how you've always treated me." She was sick of the names.

"What? How I've treated you? What the hell are you talking about?"

"The way you talk to me Steven. You talk to me like I'm your worst enemy and you always have. I can count on one hand how many nice things you've said to me. But I lost track, a long time ago, of all the horrible things. I really thought all that would end when we became official but it never did. And after the stripper it only got worse. You always felt like you were lowering your standards being with me." It was an old hurt that she'd always been too afraid to confront him with. But now, she couldn't let it slide anymore. She was not going to take it.

"That is bullshit. I was the one who could never live up to your standards." He yelled. It seemed unthinkable to him. He'd always felt that he wasn't good enough for her, and his fear had largely stemmed from that.

"I was never good enough. Nothing I ever did was good enough for you. And I would have done anything to get you to see me. The Real me." She yelled.

"Just like you tried to see the real me? You always saw me as the dirty, poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks. You were always too stuck up to see that there was more to me."

Jackie couldn't believe that he'd think that. That he'd hold her to the same standard as the rest of the shallow, rich people that made up her family. She'd thought that he knew how she saw him. "I never saw huh? I never saw that no matter what you say, you've always thought of the Forman's as your family. And you love them all, including Laurie."

"Not a big secret." He scoffed. This wasn't news. Everyone knew that. She was going to have to do better than that.

"Or the fact that you would do anything for Fez and Michael. That you hated it when Michael used to hurt me. And although you'd never betray a friend, you had no problem putting him in situations to get him caught out. That you always thought that I deserved better than Michael."

"So you've been talking to Donna" He didn't bother to deny it. That was one reason he'd always tried to get Kelso to dump her. She did deserve better. She always has.

"When you taught me zen and I became quite the little student, I saw that you hated that. That you didn't want me to become closed off. That you thought that I would lose something of myself trying to be zen. Trying to be something I'm not. Or the fact that when Leo left, it broke your heart. Because you loved him, and he was another person in your life who seemed to be able walk away from you so easily. Well I never could Steven. And if you'd only opened your eyes, you would have seen that. But you never wanted to see it did you? You never wanted to see me." She yelled, releasing all the emotions she'd held pent up for so long.

The volume of her voice dropped, but the vehemence behind it didn't. "You were always to busy trying to hurt me. Seeing if you could out do yourself and make an even more hurtful comment every day. Even when things were good, even when we were alone, you were still giving me shit. All those times you made me think that all I was to you was an object for release. Something to get your fill with and then leave behind. Or the times you wished you were someone else. How about those times Steven? Every 'burn' broke my heart a little. You never saw that though. You never bothered to look." Her voice was small by the end of her tirade and she saw his eyes soften. She no longer had the strength to yell. She was so tired. Exhausted from it all and defeated by her own words.

Jackie leaned up against the counter and sighed. Hyde stepped towards her gently, reaching out tentatively to touch her shoulder. He ran his hand up and down the length of her arm. He could see how tired she was. How much it had taken out of her dragging up the pain of the past. A pain that was still so fresh and so real.

"Look, I'm exhausted ok? Can we leave this til tomorrow?" She asked, her voice little more than a whisper. He nodded and watched as she walked around him and into her bedroom. He moved into the living room and stared out the window, he could hear her rummaging around through the open door and was surprised when she emerged carrying a blanket and a pillow. Jackie dropped them onto the sofa and looked at him briefly before muttering a good night and disappearing into the bedroom.

Hyde waited for the the door to click shut before heading over to the sofa. He unfolded the blanket and moved the pillow to the end of the sofa. He stripped down to his boxers and lay down. Staring up at the ceiling he was trying desperately to figure out how their innocent little discussion had turned into such a powerful argument. He couldn't remember how'd they managed to go from zero to sixty in such a short time, but he suspected it was his fault.

He sighed and scrubbed his hand over his face before glancing at the clock. 2 am. He'd been lying there thinking for hours and he was still no closer to sleep.Throwing the blanket off himself, he stood from the sofa and headed into the kitchen for water. He looked around the apartment. Allowing himself to take in his surroundings for the first time. It was such a nice little apartment. A sharp pain in his chest stabbed him when he thought of her picking this place without him. He should have been with her.

Hyde looked over to her closed bedroom door. He was wrestling with his desires. He wanted to go in there, but he knew that it wasn't a good idea. She needed space and time. But damn if he didn't want to be in there. His desire won and he found himself reaching out to turn the handle, oblivious as to how he found himself suddenly outside her door. The door opened without so much as a creak and he stepped inside. She was curled up on her side, facing away from him. Pulling the sheets back, he crawled in beside her and threw his arm around her waist. He pulled her closer against him and kissed her neck softly. He knew she wasn't asleep, but she wasn't protesting his presence and he'd missed her so much.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 3

Big thank you to Goddess Usagi for her help again. Love you babe.

Chapter 3

As she stirred from sleep she felt cold. The warmth that had been possesing her back all night was gone. Jackie sat up and looked around her sparse room. It was a cold reminder that she was out of Point Place and away from her friends as she looked around at the boxes waiting to be unpacked. And the other side of the bed that was missing one crucial element. He was gone.

Once, his absence would have caused her instant heartache, overwhelming her until it was all she felt. But now his absence set to blazes embers of the anger which had raged within her the night before. She kept hearing his angry voice from the night before; 'It's not like I wanted to come here. You were the one who gave me the ultimatum'.

He'd come here. She thought that was a step in the right direction. That he was ready to take responsibility for his life and finally grow up. That he was ready to work on their problems and find their way to a future together. But now she only felt foolish for believing him; she ought to have known by now that what he said and what he meant were two completely different things.

He was bailing again.

She looked out the living room window with a sigh but started when she heard the door. As soon as his curly hair came into view, her anger surfaced.

He'd barely had a foot in the door when her voice barrelled toward him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He looked at her confused as she stood by the sofa, her arms crossed over her chest, leaning heavily on one leg and her face flushed with anger. He didn't know what he could have possibly done to piss her off this time. But he wasn't going to take the blame.

"What the hell Jackie? I do something nice and you..." Her angry voice cut him off before he could finish his own tirade.

"Something nice? You call leaving me here to wake up alone nice? I call it cowardly. If you wanted to leave, you could have at least had the balls to admit it."

"You really think I would come all the way here just to bail on the first day?"

"I don't know Steven. You went to Chicago and bailed in a matter of minutes. And we all know how that turned out. How is your stripper ex-wife by the way?" Her voice was full of sarcasm and disdain. And something inside him snapped. He bent down and picked up two brown paper grocerie bags and stormed into the apartment, slamming the door behind him. He went straight for the kitchen and roughly threw them on the counter before turning towards her.

"You really believe that? You think that little of me? I'm here, aren't I? Didn't I say I wanted to work this out? Come on Jackie, didn't I?" He yelled as he stepped toward her.

"Yes Steven, but things you say and things you do are often very different things."

"Oh yeah. Name one."

"Just one? Well there's the time you told Eric that I sickened you and not 10 minutes later you had your tongue down my throat. Or the time you said you wanted to meet your father and you were suddenly no where to be found when the time came. Or my personal favourite. The time you said you weren't ready for marriage, and your stripper wife walked in. Want anymore Steven, because I've got plenty of them." Her voice was deceptively sweet.

"You keep bringing it back to Sam, Jackie. The stripper, the ex-wife. How can I make it any clearer than EX? It was stupid, and cruel, I know. But I fixed it. I got rid of her. She's no longer a part of this, she's no longer a threat. You won, Jackie." His voice was full of finality, but she couldn't believe him. Her anger was reigning over her.

"I won? What did I win Steven? 6 months of hell! I won 6 months of crying myself to sleep. Of trying to pretend that everything was fine. Of having to watch you with her. I won six months of cruel taunts and teasing from the man I loved. Tell me what I won Steven. Tell me!" She screamed releasing all the anger in her into that one demand.

Hyde stared at Jackie. She'd never sounded like that before.

"Me. You won me." His voice was small. Jackie shook her head at him.

"Yeah well, I'm not so sure that's such a prize anymore." She sounded cold and his head snapped up to glare at her. He started stepping toward her. Like a predator stalking it's prey.

"Oh yeah? Then why did you ask me to come here? If you didn't want me anymore, why?" The volume had dropped from his voice, but the angry passion behind it had not seized. She held her ground as he grew closer and closer. Her chest rising and falling heavily from the anger he envoked in her. She knew what he was going to do and she hoped that she had the strength to push him away.

When he reached her, he stepped right up to her so there was no space between them. He looked down into her eyes, his hands raising to grip her upper arms, before his lips descended on hers in a fierce kiss. When he pulled away from her, his eyes bore into hers. "Why Jacks?" And his lips were covering hers again. It was a kiss fuelled by fury. "Why?" He whispered again before his lips found hers again, the kiss more gentle this time.

"Because I love you." She whispered in between kisses. Her arms raising to wrap around his neck as she lost the battle between anger and passion. His arms snaked around her waist and pulled her against his chest. They kissed long and hard before breaking for air.

"I missed you so much." He whispered before his lips reclaimed hers. But she pushed him away.

"Did you?" Her voice had lost it's vehemence, her eyes the anger. But they'd never lost the pain.

"What? Of course I missed you." Steven said in disbelief. He'd missed her more than he could ever verbalise. He'd thought there was no doubt of that.

"How would I know that? Everytime I saw you, you acted as if I were nothing, as if you felt nothing. That we had never been... Like you never loved me at all." Her eyes dropped to the floor and his hands began to run up and down the length of her arms.

His first instinct was to become defensive, but that would only serve to reignite their argument. And no matter what doubts Jackie was having now, Steven had changed and he knew that the time for fighting had passed. It was time to reconcile. "Jacks, look at me." His voice was soft and it drew her eyes to him.

"I could apologise a thousand times for what I did Jacks. But I know it's not going to help. I know what I have to do. As much as every instinct in my body is telling me to run. I have to do this. So..."

TBC... 


	5. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4_**

_**Previously:**_

_"I could apologise a thousand times for what I did Jacks. But I know it's not going to help. I know what I have to do. As much as every instinct in my body is telling me to run. I have to do this. So..."_

"So... I'll tell you everything... I knew what I was doing. Every second. I knew that I was hurting you and you're right, I was trying to. But not for the reasons you think. I didn't want to hurt you just to hurt you. I was trying to push you away. I know it's cliche and I know I've done it before. But I was married, and I couldn't walk away from that. I couldn't be Bud. Yet I couldn't get you out of my head. Everytime I stopped for even a second you were there. Your voice, your face. I didn't trust myself Jacks. I knew I'd end up doing something I'd regret, so I had to push you away, I had to make you hate me. I didn't know, I swear I didn't, that it was hurting you so much." He looked deep into her eyes and hoped she'd see the truth in his.

He saw the shine in her eyes and the tears that were beginning to form. But if they were going to have any hope of salvaging this relationship it was time for complete and total honesty, no matter how much pain it caused in the short term.

"I know that I didn't always treat you right. I know that some of my jokes hurt you. But they were meant to be jokes Jacks. I didn't mean any of it. And I know that going out with that girl that summer really hurt you. I could see it in your eyes whenever you looked at me. And I'm sorry. I'm proud and stubborn and I wanted to hurt you. I couldn't see past the fact that I already had, so badly, I just wanted to get back at you for making me wait." He watched as a tear slid down her cheek unchecked. His hand itched to reach up and wipe it away, but he didn't.

"Why couldn't you trust me? Why wouldn't you?" It had been one question that had always lingered in the back of her mind, and a hurt that overwhelmed her.

"Because I didn't want to. Trust sets you up for pain Jacks. Everyone I've ever trusted abandoned me. They ran out. And I guess I was just waiting for you to do the same. To realise that you had made a huge mistake with me and that you really belonged with Kelso. Then you'd leave. I couldn't handle that."

Anger started to rise inside of her again at the mention of Kelso. But she pushed it aside and opted for her own confession. "He's not an option Steven. He hasn't been for a very long time. I knew long before the summer we got together that Michael and I weren't right. That we never would be. And I pushed for the engagement because I was scared. I never believed you when you said I could do better. But then he left for California and there was you...You need to believe me when I say that its over, you have nothing to worry about."

He nodded and laced his fingers with hers. "I believe you. Now. I just couldn't then." Her tears had stopped and he watched her take a deep breath.

"Why couldn't you see me in your future?"

"Jacks. I could." He answered as he lowered his eyes to their joined hands. He tightened his hold a little before looking back up at her. There was shock written all over her face. Shock and confusion.

"Then why couldn't you tell me that?" She asked. But he knew it was a demand. She needed this answer. Just like he needed a few of his own.

"I don't know." He shook his head. He'd been so close to telling her and at the last second backed out. Her eyes flared with renewed anger before being reigned in.

"Oh no. Don't start that again. Just tell me."

"It's not any one thing Jack. I really don't know completely. The only thing I can tell you is what I already have. I was terrified. I never thought about the future. I only ever cared about today, the here and now, and then you came along. And I found myself thinking about things like getting married and having kids and other totally Forman like things. It scared the crap out of me. You asking me about it, made me confront it. I'd always pushed it away."

She watched him, looking into his unguarded eyes, and he fought the urge to look away. She was reading him. And it was unnerving for the zen master who'd never let anyone in, until this 95 pound brunette forced her way.

TBC...

Sorry the chapter's not as long as the others. But we're working our way to a resolution and Goddess Usagi told me I just had to leave it like that. So blame her :) Love ya babe. Thanks again.


	6. Chapter 5

_Previously:_

_"It's not any one thing Jack. I really don't know completely. The only thing I can tell you is what I already have. I was terrified. I never thought about the future. I only ever cared about today, the here and now, and then you came along. And I found myself thinking about things like getting married and having kids and other totally Forman like things. It scared the crap out of me. You asking me about it, made me confront it. I'd always pushed it away."_

_She watched him, looking into his unguarded eyes, and he fought the urge to look away. She was reading him. And it was unnerving for the zen master who'd never let anyone in, until this 95 pound brunette forced her way._

_**Chapter 5**_

"So it's my fault is that what you're saying?" She asked. Her defenses were up again. It was a knee jerk reaction that hid a much deeper, underlying problem. She was insecure. Incredibly insecure. She hid behind her designer clothes and her false sense of self esteem, hiding the pain and the doubt she felt. And as he tried to explain himself and his actions, all he managed to do, was envoke her insecurities.

"No Jacks. No. Of course not." He couldn't imagine how she could possibly think it was his fault. But deep inside him, there was a voice, a voice he'd been trying to keep quiet for a very long time, that told him exactly why. Because he'd made her think that. He'd drilled into her with every demeaning comment, with every zen stare, with every action.

"If I hadn't opened my mouth. If I hadn't asked for something, anything, to let me know where we were headed. We'd still be together. None of this ever would have happened. This is my fault?" It was a question. Not a statement. And her eyes begged him to tell her otherwise. To lie if necessary. But it wasn't. It wasn't her fault. She had every right to ask, to want to know, to be reassured that the boy she'd given her heart to was becoming the man who would always be in her life. That always wanted her in his.

Hyde reached out and cupped her face in his hands. "Listen to me. It's not your fault. It was mine. I screwed up Jacks. And you know how hard that is for me to say. Its the same reason I ran off to Vegas. And it's the same reason I inflicted Sam upon you. I'm too proud to admit my mistakes and I was terrified that you'd realise all my worst nightmares." He was laying himself on the line. Opening up to her completely and the enormity of it was not wasted on her. "I was terrified that you'd realise that I wasn't good enough. That you'd deserve better. And I'd be crushed. So many people walked out of my life Jackie. But none of them had ever meant to me what you do. My mum the drunk. My father the dead beat. But you, you were everything I thought I hated, but I really wanted... I'll take responsibilty for the past few months. Because it was my insecurity, my fear that did this."

Jackie watched him, the warm feel of his hands still cradling her face. He was being sincere. He meant every word he said and she felt the pain in her heart lessen. She was slowly forgiving him for this indiscretion but there were old wounds that needed to be healed. And not just within her own heart. She knew she wasn't a completely innocent party. She knew she'd caused pain of her own. But as he was willing to except responsibility for his betrayls. It was time she accepted responisibility for her own.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as his hands dropped from her face to take her hands. He almost didn't hear her and it took a moment to realise exactly what she'd said.

"What for?" He asked with a confused expression as he tried to catch her eyes.

"For that summer I made you wait. Michael had nothing to do with it." She whispered still averting his eyes. She knew the expression he wore. Complete and utter confusion. And she knew she probably wasn't making much sense to him. But she never told him the truth about that summer and it was about time it was put out there.

"What do you mean? You had to choose between me and Kelso."

"No. I had to choose between you and me." Her voice was soft as her eyes finally rose to meet his. "I was heart broken Steven. And I had to decide whether or not I was willing to put my heart on the line again. We rushed into our relationship. Never talking about what we had or where we were headed. I was doubting whether or not we should've been together. I needed time to think. "

"Is that what you meant when you said you chose you?" He asked and she nodded.

"Yes. I love you Steven, I always have. That was never in question. But our future was. And I was in too much pain to make that decision. I needed time. But then..." She trailed off, dropping her eyes again. "then the pain started turning into anger and I wanted to make you suffer. If I was suffering, I thought you should be too. You were the one who was causing mine, I was going to cause yours." She glanced up at him and saw him nodding and the understanding in his eyes. He had done the same to her time and time again.

"I know it was childish and vindictive but I didn't care. I wasn't thinking about handling my pain in the most mature way. I was thinking with a broken heart. But time did it's trick and the pain stopped. I knew that I wanted to give us a second chance and that it was time to talk to you. To stop being immature and just go to you. So I did, and that girl walked in... broke my heart all over again." The pain reentered her heart at the memory.

"I screwed up again. I was angry and hurt, I'm sorry." He whispered and she nodded as a lone tear slipped from her eye before she could stop it. Her hand quickly rose to wipe it away.

"I know that. I do. But... then, what you said tore me apart. I felt stupid. I felt like a fool. I'd put myself on the line again and you knocked me off." She looked up at him and confusion clouded his features again. He didn't remember what he'd said. But she did. She'd never forgotten. During that time she'd heard it over and over again. As soon as a room went quite or she was alone and silence engulfed her, his voice could be heard in her mind, taunting her with his words.

"You said; 'you didn't think I was gonna wait around for you all summer, did you?' You might as well have kicked me in the stomach Steven. It would have hurt less." Her voice broke slightly as she tried to stop the tears that the painful memory evoked. Jackie looked up at Steven and saw the sorrow in his eyes. She knew he didn't mean it. That he was doing the exact thing she had. Trying to make her hurt because he was. But that didn't make it ok, and it didn't make the pain go away.

"Baby. I didn't... I'm sorry." His voice was low, she'd heard that tone before. When he'd told her about the nurse. And she knew he spoke the truth. But she always had.

"I know... I know... I know you didn't mean it. And I know why you did it. But it still hurt so much." Jackie watched as Hyde nodded and she knew he understood.

Jackie had taken a huge leap of faith going to him that day. He'd broken her heart. He'd cheated on her and she wanted him back. She was willing to forgive and forget. To move on. Because she wanted him. She wanted to be with him, more than she wanted to punish him. But then that girl was there and he was saying hurtful things, and the courage that had walked over to the Forman's basement had abandoned her. The pain she had spent the whole summer trying to heal, was back. And she didn't know what to do.

Hyde watched as her head dropped and her gaze became transfixed with her twisting hands.

"I hid it. Pushed the pain aside and went on that ridiculous quest to get you back. I wanted to make it my fault. To pretend that I'd done everything so I had to win you back. That the whole mess hadn't started because you didn't trust me. But I could only do that for so long. Pulling those stupid stunts with fake tattoos and toe rings to get your attention. It was stupid and it made me feel stupid. I couldn't fight for something, you wanted no part of."

"That's not true. I wanted you. I wanted to be with you. I always have." He was quick to answer. He'd never felt that way. In fact it had terrified him how much he did want to be with her. And what he would do to get her.

She nodded remembering the day she'd stood in front of him in the Forman's driveway and he'd told her that he wanted to be with her. How happy it had made her. And wished that she could feel that happiness now, as he sat across from her and told her again. But she was plagued with old hurt and new fear and doubt.

"How do I know that, if I take you back, that things won't come back to this? That you won't betray any trust I might have in you?" Her eyes were pleading with him. Pleading that he prove her fears false.

Hyde leaned forward and cupped her face in his hands. He gently brushed his lips over hers before pulling back to look in her eyes.

"Because I can't lose you again Jacks. I couldn't survive it." His clear blue eyes bore into hers and she saw his sincerity. She smiled softly before brushing her lips against his. She'd missed his touch so much. It always sent tingles down her spine into the pit of her stomach. It was the most delightful sensation.

"Ok. But if you ever do anything like that again, or speak to me like that again, there will be no time for apologies, no talking. You're out the door." He smiled at her words and laughed before kissing her, this time a little deeper. He'd missed her so much. But when he pulled back she looked at him seriously. "No, I mean it." And she did. Her eyes showed such conviction. Like none he'd ever seen from her before. He nodded slowly before drawing her into his arms. That was a condition he could live with.

TBC...


	7. Chapter 6

_Author's Note:  
_Hi everyone. I'm really quite amazed by what a wonderful reaction this fic has received. Its very humbling. I'm still at school and will be until december. But I'm on a very short break right now and wanted to post this little chapter as good faith. This fic will continue! I really want to see this one through, so I hope everything will stick with me. Thanks for all the support. Enjoy!

_Previously:_

_His clear blue eyes bore into hers and she saw his sincerity. She smiled softly before brushing her lips against his. She'd missed his touch so much. It always sent tingles down her spine into the pit of her stomach. It was the most delightful sensation._

_"Ok. But if you ever do anything like that again, or speak to me like that again, there will be no time for apologies, no talking. You're out the door." He smiled at her words and laughed before kissing her, this time a little deeper. He'd missed her so much. But when he pulled back she looked at him seriously. "No, I mean it." And she did. Her eyes showed such conviction. Like none he'd ever seen from her before. He nodded slowly before drawing her into his arms. That was a condition he could live with._

_**Chapter 6**_

Hyde pulled away gently, looking into her eyes. He knew she'd meant what she said. But he'd meant what he'd said too. He would do everything in his power to make sure he didn't screw up again. And as stupid as it might sound, to him, that was the hardest promise he'd ever had to make. He'd always had this uncanny ability to screw up.

"Oh my god! You brought food home." Jackie said suddenly, getting up from the sofa and heading into the kitchenette. "I hope there wasn't any icecream."

Hyde immediately followed her in with a smile playing on his lips. He reached into one bag and pulled out the tub of ice cream, the contents melting over the edges to drip onto his hand. He only laughed and quickly put it in the freezer. "It'll be fine in a few hours."

When he turned back to Jackie, Hyde had the strangest sensation. He felt different. But he couldn't identify how. He just had this... feeling, as he watched her unpacking groceries in her bathrobe that made him tingle. She'd always been able to make him tingle, don't get me wrong, but this was a different kind. He almost felt warm. Like he was... home.

She looked up at him and tore him from his daze.

"What?" She asked with a slight smile and he shook his head at her before walking over and englufing her in his arms. Hyde held her to him for a moment. His face buried in her neck, just breathing in her scent, until she pulled away. "I'm going to go shower. Can you finish putting this stuff away?" She asked and the warm feeling returned. He could almost see themselves standing in the kitchen 10 years from now, having the same discussion, with their children sitting at the table. Once the idea would have terrified him beyond belief. Today, it only made him smile.

"I'd rather join you." Hyde answered with a leer, as he ran an appreciate glance up the length of her body. Jackie stepped toward him and smiled seductively as she raised her hand to his chest.

"In your dreams." She whispered against his ear and couldn't hide her smile when she felt him quiver from the action. She pulled away and giggled softly. "You're not there yet buddy." She called as she walked towards the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

Hyde shook his head as he went about finding a home for the groceries. He was content. A feeling that had alluded him his entire life. But here, in this small apartment in sunny San Francisco, he'd captured it. He knew, however, that it had less to do with his surroundings and everything to do with the girl in the next room. He listened as the water sprayed forth and he knew the precise moment she'd stepped into the shower.

Hyde found himself looking toward the bedroom door in yet another haze. He could see her, behind his eyes, the water streaming over her. Making her flesh slick and shiny. He couldn't handle. He walked over to the bedroom and snuck inside. He came back to himself when his hand reached for the door to the bathroom. She'd made it clear this wasn't going to happen for a while. But his wasn't listening to his head, that told him to walk away, and he found himself standing in the middle of the bathroom, removing his clothes quietly.

He walked toward the shower, and stealthly stepped past the curtain, inside to stand behind her. She turned towards him indignantly, outrage written all over her face. But he'd come this far. As she opened her mouth to undoubtedly tell him off, he swooped in and captured her in a searing kiss. His hands moved to wrap around her waist and pull her toward him. Her tiny body crashed against his chest and he moaned into her mouth. He could feel her small hands pressing against his chest in an attempt to push him away. But they went slack between them, and all her objections died on his lips.

He'd missed her so much. Everything about her. And in this moment he realised just how much he'd missed her touch. Her delicate hands running down his shoulders to his chest. Or her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. As his hand trailed up her ribs to cup her breast, he realised how much he'd missed the sound of her voice, as she moaned at his touch. They'd denied each other this with their actions. The comfort of each other's arms. The pleasure they could evoke in each other. They denied it, with the pain they seemed equally as good as inflicting upon each other. But as he pressed her up against the wall, leaning into her, that feeling of warmth, that he'd now identified as happiness engulfed him. It felt wonderful. And he wasn't willing to ever let it go.

TBC...


	8. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7_**

Jackie came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, and rubbing her hair dry with a towel. She couldn't hide the turmoil on her face. She shouldn't have let it go that far. She knew that. And she was afraid that Steven would think that everything was alright again. That everything would go back to normal. Just like it always did when they fought in the past. Her body would always end up betraying her. She couldn't resist him. They'd always had so much passion, and she had never once stopped wanting him. She'd give in, they'd have sex, and things would go back to normal. He'd be burning her one minute and they'd be making out the next. But this wasn't a normal argument, sex wouldn't fix this, no matter how hot it was. And even if it could, she wasn't prepared to go back to the way things were. They both deserved more than that.

She turned around to tell him, that this couldn't happen again for a very long time, and paused when she saw him. Standing in the bathroom door-way, a towel wrapped low around his hips, little droplets of water dripping down his chest. She was mesmerised and the satisfaction she'd felt from their trist in the shower dissipated into a burning hunger to experience his body again. Right then. She had to close her eyes to suppress the urge to jump him. She wouldn't let herself get caught up in their explosive passion again. She couldn't allow it.

"Steven. As wonderful as that was, believe me, it doesn't change anything. It doesn't make everything better. We still have so much work to do on our relationship." Her voice was strained as she spoke. And not due to the urges she was trying so hard to suppress, but due to the unexpected difficulty at saying those words. She found herself longing to fall back on old habits so the heartache would end. It would be so easy. But it would only be temporary, they would end up back here again, and in the long run... she couldn't take that. She knew they'd be lost to each other forever if she didn't let old habits die, no matter how hard it was.

He sauntered over to her and he smiled down at her as he invaded her space. He knew the effect he was having on her and he was loving it. He loved knowing that he could do this to her, make her feel like this, make her feel something other than pain. An emotion he'd envoked in her far to often. He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers gently, as his hand sought out hers, tangling their fingers together.

"I know Jacks. I don't want to ruin this. I need you... I love you baby." His lips hovered over hers as he spoke, and his breath tickled, before his lips descended again. He kissed her sweetly, but the passion that always engulfed them, lay smouldering beneath the surface. Jackie pulled away before the fire overwhelmed her and they found themselves in bed... although her body was screaming at her that was exectly where she should be.. her heart knew better.

"I love you too. But we shouldn't do this again for a while... we gotta get sorted first Steven." Her eyes begged him to understand and as she looked into his, she saw what she needed most. He understood, he cared, and he loved.

"I know. You know what's really sick?" He smirked gently at her, and she played along raising an eyebrow at him. "I'd do anything to hear you call me puddin pop again." He smiled, still so close to her and she couldn't stop the smile that lit her face. Her puddin pop. She thought she'd lost him forever. And a little joke that should have made her laugh or roll her eyes at him, was bringing tears to her eyes. Hyde noticed them immediately and the smile dropped from his face as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his warm embrace. "Don't cry Jacks. Please. I'm sorry, I'll give you space. I swear. I'll even go to a hotel, just please don't cry."

Jackie pulled away and looked up at him. She reached up and cupped his face in her hands before letting one drop to find his hand. He looked into her mismatched, teary eyes, revelling in the feel of her small hand on his cheek, and the other in his hand. She shook her head at him.

"That's not why I'm crying... I thought we'd never be here again. That we were lost forever." She smiled at him, as she watched the emotions run through his clear blue eyes. She knew he wouldn't say anything. He was doing so well, but he wasn't good at himself. So he did what she expected, what always let her know exactly what he was feeling when he couldn't tell her, and she smiled as his lips descended on hers.

This time the kiss was passionate, as Hyde poured everything he had into it. Trying to tell her everything in the kiss that he didn't have the words to say. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she excepted everything he gave and she gave right back. As they pulled apart, both gasping for air. She rested her forehead against his.

"Wow." She said, a small smile playing on her lips. She almost regretted saying the word as soon as it had slipped out, sure he would make the same comment he did at the end of that summer when she'd said the same thing after one of his powerful kisses. And she didn't want to think about that time in their relationship. So she was relieved, when he smiled softly at her and just brushed her lips again. "I have to go." She whispered reluctantly, and she couldn't help but smile. They'd come so far. Only a few days ago she couldn't be in the same room with him, it hurt too much. And now she didn't want to leave.

"I know. You have your meeting at the studio today... How long will you be gone?" He asked as he let her slip out of his grasp as she moved toward her suitcase and started pulling clothes out of it.

"I'll be back in time for dinner. But not before." She didn't look up at him as she spoke. She couldn't look at him again, the temptation to blow of the meeting was too great. And she wasn't doing that anymore. She was standing on her own two feet, not depending on Steven or anyone to keep her up. It had hurt their relationship in the past and it had hurt her.

"Ok. I'll cook for us then. So you'll have dinner waiting for you when you get home." He smiled at her, offering a small gesture of support. He really was happy that she was doing this. It meant more to her than she would admit, and he knew that. The least he could do was be supportive.

"Thank you baby." With that she disappeared into the bathroom.

When she emerged just over half an hour later he was suprised how quick she'd been. But looking at her, he was in awe. She was so beautiful. The hour and a half she used to take to get ready was completely unnecessary. Hyde didn't think she'd ever looked more beautiful... but as soon as the thought popped into his head, he knew it wasn't true. She had been once. Once she'd been more beautiful than any other time. And as beautiful as she is, it was incredible. She kissed him quickly and ran from the apartment, leaving him with the image of the day he saw her smiling brightly, happier than she'd ever been, standing in the mall in the white wedding gown.

TBC...

_I know its a long time between posts, but RL is hectic. I'm working on another chapter that I hope to have up within the next couple of days, a week max. Please review!  
xxAlly_


	9. Chapter 8

**_Author's Note:_** All paragraphs in**_ Italic_** are journal entries. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter... and the next. Can't wait to hear from you._x x Ally_

**_Chapter 8_**

Hyde looked around the apartment. Jackie had just left and he was going to be alone in the place for hours. Looking at all the boxes he shrugged his shoulders and figured he might as well make himself useful. He made quick work, tackling box after box and in less than 2 hours had all of the living room and kitchen boxes unpacked, so he moved into the bedroom. He smiled as he picked up the box with all of Jackies little trinkets and unicorns. He secretly always thought her innocent childhood loves were cute, and admired her determination to hold onto them. It showed the world the beautiful, innocent little girl that lived inside the hot woman and it fascinated Hyde to no end. That with everything she'd been through, there was still a part of her that held onto the hope that unicorns really did exist and the world could be the happy place she'd always dreamed it to be. So instead of cringing, like he would if her weren't alone, he smiled as he placed her little unicorn figurines on her bedside table.

The smile on his face wavered though when he reached in and retrieved a photo frame. As he gazed at the photo of Jackie and himself from prom, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He looked pissed off in the photo as Jackie was smiling brightly, and he couldn't remember another photo of them together ever being taken. He felt guilty that the only photo of them she had to cling to showed him looking annoyed. He should have been holding her, not trying to push her away. He should have been smiling at her, not scowling to some spot off camera. She deserved at least that, and he hadn't even been capable of giving it to her. He sighed and placed it in the table, on what he hoped would soon be, his side of the bed.

He reached into the box again and pulled out a notebook. As he looked at it he realised it wasn't a notebook, it was Jackie's journal. He held it in his hand, staring at it, he knew what he was about to do was wrong. But he couldn't stop himself. He sat down on the edge of the bed, unpacking completely forgotten, and opened the journal to the first page.

_Michael's cheating again. I know it. I can feel it. But the strangest thing is I don't care. Well thats not completely true. I do care. I care that I'm being humiliated again. I care that he thinks so little of me, after everything we've been through. But most of all I'm angry at myself. I'm angry that i'm not so angry at him. I've been trying to deny that our relationship is a joke for a long time. I've even started nagging him about marriage. Marriage. I'm so stupid. Marriage to Michael would be a disaster. But all of it was in an attempt to hold on to the dream of him. The image in my head of someone who loves me unconditionally. The romantic ideal that Michael could never live up to. I know that, and i've known for a long time. I'm not in love with him... I've known that for a long time too. But the more resound I get to leave him, to leave it all behind and go, the tighter I hold on. I'm scared to let go. I'm scared to open myself up to anyone else and have this happen again. And most of all, I'm scared of the feelings I have when I look at HIM. I've never felt that way when I look at Michael. His lips have never made me feel like that. _

Hyde stared at the page in disbelief. He knew when she wrote it. Just before the summer they started fooling around. But he never knew that she felt that way about Kelso. Never knew that there was someone else that she was seeing. Except for the cheese guy. But he hadn't thought he'd been such a big deal. But apparently, to Jackie, he had been. Hyde turned the page, a little afraid of what he'd read next, but unable to stop himself.

_Michael's run off to California. I'm not surprised, but I am relieved. I almost got myself into something that would have been the biggest mistake of my life. Thank god for his cowardice... I kissed him today. I couldn't help myself. We were sitting there, and he was looking so... tempting. His lips were as I remembered. Soft and warm, and they made me tingle all over. Just like the last time. I don't know what made me say that I'd felt nothing that night, but it was a lie. I'd never felt so much in my life. Maybe thats why I lied. I don't know. But being with him today. In his arms as he kissed my breath away, I started to believe in the fairytale again. Cause it was just as they described. And as suprised as I know everyone else would be to think that Steven Hyde made me feel those things. I'm not. _

Hyde stared at the page in disbelief. He'd felt something that day to. And he was the one she was talking about. The one she'd been talking about all along. He was stunned. He never knew that she'd felt that way about him then. He was intrigued. He knew there was still so much she hadn't told him. Hadn't opened up to him about. And this journal was the key to understanding her. So he flipped the page, no matter how guilty he was starting to feel, and kept on reading.

_Michael came home a few weeks ago. I was so scared that Steven would want to leave me. He didn't. I'm falling for him, hard. But I know... he doesn't feel that way about me. I know he cares about me. He's proved that time and time again over the years. But I don't think he sees me as more than a friend and a make out partner. Thats why I'm holding back. We haven't slept together. I know he wants to. But I keep pushing him away as soon as things start to get too heated. I know he's confused. But I just can't do it. I can't love someone who'll never love me back._

_I love him. I know I do. I've fallen for him. I swore to myself that I wouldn't let that happen, but we were together last night, and we were making out on his bed. He was kissing me and I was losing myself in him. We made love and I had to bite my lip not to tell him that I loved him. It would have freaked him out and ended us right then. I hadn't planned on letting it go that far. But he has a power over me like nothing i've ever known. And it's not just when he kisses me, or when he touches me. It's when he looks at me. Really looks at me, without those sunglasses, and he breathes my name softer than anyone has ever said it. He lights me on fire. _

_My dad's in prison. He's not perfect, I have no dillusions of that. Too many nights spent alone proved that long ago. But he's not bad. And he's all I've got. In typical fashion my mum's gone. I don't know when or if she's coming back. I'm all alone. Steven tried to comfort me, I know he did. He's just not good with words. And I appreciate the gesture when he shaved his beard. But I would've given anything, given him anything, to hold me and tell me he loves me and that everything would be ok. Anything. _

_I don't blame him, I don't. I know what its like to grow up not knowing whether or not you're loved by the people who need love from most, and to suspect that you aren't. We reacted to it differently, about as differently as people can. But I know why he has so much trouble with emotions. He locked himself away, and me, I begged for love. We both still hide behind the facades we put up. His zen. My shallowness. I know its not him. And I hope to god he knows its not me. _

_Damn Michael. He ruins everything. Ok, so it was me this time. I don't know why I called him my boyfriend. I'm pretty sure it was seeing him like that, after years of knowing that he was doing that behind my back and never being able to confront him. That no matter how much I tell myself that I was checked out of that relationship long before it ended, and no matter how much truth there was to that statement, it still hurt. Betrayal always does. But I hurt Steven. I hurt the man I love. I've turned into Michael, being the person in the relationship that causes pain to the other. And I hate that. I hate that I've become that person. I hate that being that person hurt the last person in the world I'd ever want to see in pain. He broke up with me. He was right to I guess. But the pain was palpable. I couldn't lose him. I went to him and I didn't mean to say it. I didn't want this to be the way I told him. But I couldn't stop the words from coming. I love him. I never expected him to say it back. But a part of me had hoped he would... but then, he did. In his own way. As he held me and we swayed to the music. He told me the only way he could. And it meant more than a thousand spoken declarations from any other man. _

_She's still not back. I don't think she's coming back. My mom never felt the need to be there for me, why would she now when my whole world is falling apart? Steven's been great. Granted. He was so sweet the other night when he found out she wasn't back yet. I dont know why I didn't tell him sooner. Or why I still wouldnt have if he hadn't found out on his own. I didn't want to scare him away with my problems. He scares easily and I can't screw this one up. I have to be enough this time... He was sweet. We got into an argument and he yelled at me that he cared too much about me to let me stay in the house alone. Typical Steven to yell something sweet at me rather than tell me, but I'll take it any way he's willing to give it. Sleeping in his arms is better than I ever thought. It was safe and warm and everything I'd ever been lacking in my life.. it was stable. I really think he's the one I've been waiting my whole for. No one else has ever made me feel like this. It's better than all the fairytales and romance novels described when he touches me. God don't let me screw this up._

_I screwed up. It was only a matter of time before he realised that I wasn't enough. That he could do better, get better, than me. He saw me with Kelso. As innocent as it was, I shouldn't have been there. I'd promised Steven and I broke that promise. I've screwed up and he slept with a nurse... Oh god. I can't stop picturing him with her. I never saw her, so she doesn't have a face in my mind but that doesn't make them any less real and god... it hurts so much. I guess this proves it finally. I never loved Michael the way I love Steven. It never hurt this much before. Nothing ever has. I can't cry anymore, and yet, I can't stop. God it feels like this pain is never going to end... He told me he loved me as he broke my heart. How could he do this to me? Why aren't I ever enough?_

Hyde looked at the page in front of him. With spots of imperfect paper... water damage. She'd been crying as she wrote it. He wasn't at all suprised when he felt the moisture gather in his own eyes. He'd hated himself for so long for causing her that pain. And if he were truly honest, he still hated himself. He'd promised her once, when they were alone that he wouldn't cheat on her, that he would never hurt her like that. And sitting there reading her heart's pain he realised just how much that promise had meant to her. How much he had meant to her and he was amazed that she ever forgave him. It was amazing reading her thoughts, founding out how she ticked, he was riveted. Even with all the pain, and the fact that he caused it, he couldn't stop reading. So he turned the page...

TBC


	10. Chapter 9

_Previously:_

Hyde looked at the page in front of him. With spots of imperfect paper... water damage. She'd been crying as she wrote it. He wasn't at all suprised when he felt the moisture gather in his own eyes. He'd hated himself for so long for causing her that pain. And if he were truly honest, he still hated himself. He'd promised her once, when they were alone that he wouldn't cheat on her, that he would never hurt her like that. And sitting there reading her heart's pain he realised just how much that promise had meant to her. How much he had meant to her and he was amazed that she ever forgave him. It was amazing reading her thoughts, founding out how she ticked, he was riveted. Even with all the pain, and the fact that he caused it, he couldn't stop reading. So he turned the page...

**_Chapter 9_**

_**Jackie's Journal**_

_Why do they do this to me? I can't believe Michael. I wasn't ready to take Steven back, no matter how much I missed his arms, his kiss, everything about him. I couldn't, I can't. Not yet. Nothing has ever hurt as much as this does. I need to be ok before I can be his again. But Michael has to come along and make everything worse. Make Steven think that he has to compete for me. Michael's not in the running. He's not what I need, he's not who I love. I don't want him. I want Steven. And now everything is so confusing. Cause I know that I can't be with him right now. I need to heal first. But he's making me choose. He's making me say right now whether I want him, but I just can't. He doesn't understand._

_I can't believe he can make me feel like this. That he can kiss me like that and light my whole body on fire and then turn around and break my heart into a million pieces. I know it wasn't the most mature thing i've ever done making him wait all summer, but he broke my heart and I wanted, I needed him to understand. To cut the zen. To stop shrugging his shoulders and realise that saying 'I love you' doesn't stop the pain and make everything alright. It doesn't erase the betrayal. Seeing him with that girl tonight made it all come back. All the pain I'd been trying for 3 months to get over, making me realise, I was only suppressing it. Not matter how much I try not to I can't stop picturing him with that nurse and seeing that girl tonight gave her a face. Will this pain ever stop? Will I ever be good enough? Or worthy? Why aren't I ever enough?_

_He makes me so mad sometimes. Me apologise? I can't believe him. What for? For being cheated on? For needing time to stop hating him? To stop hurting? What do I have to apologise for? Cause right now, if he just told me, I'd apologise for anything to make this new pain stop. I know I wasn't so mature about this. But he hurt me. Aren't I entitled to a little time to make the pain stop? I guess not. I'm too stubborn to apologise even though I know it will get me back in his arms. I just can't apologise for this. I can't be the wrong one. If I'm not enough, I'm at least going to be strong enough to be true to myself. _

_Michael can be such a pain in the ass. Trying to help us he almost destroyed us. I know he tries, and that was part of the reason I kept staying with him. He tries so hard. But he never gets it right. I guess it doesn't matter now. I'm back with Steven. Where I wanted to be. So why does it still hurt? It never kept hurting after we got back together with Michael. I know I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't compare Steven to Michael. There's no comparison. But I can't help but think these things sometimes. And little by little, it's hurting less._

_The pain's almost gone. Almost. Until he does something stupid like flirt with a girl who starts flirting with him. Or says that Brooke's hot. It's like he's trying to hurt me sometimes. I know that I wasn't enough once Steven, why do you have to keep reminding me that I can be replaced so easily? And why can't I ask him? I'm afraid. That's why. I'm afraid he'll run, and I love him so much, I can't lose him again. Why can't he just realise that what he says and what he does effects me?_

_It's Christmas. It would shock people to know, but I never really liked Christmas. It was just another occasion where my parents were absent and I was left sitting alone, staring at the tree with whatever gifts they plied me with that year lying underneath it unopened all day. I didn't want the gifts, I wanted them. But they couldn't or wouldn't give me that. This year's different. I have Steven. I have Donna and Bob. And as much as I complain about them. It's just for show. I love Donna and Bob. Like I love Red and Kitty. They've been there when my mom and dad weren't. I'll always love them for that. This year Christmas has actually been good. I was so upset about getting kicked off the cheerleading squad. They were the only friends outside of this strange little group that I had. They were the last link to the person I used to be. And I was terrified of losing that. But Steven's right. It's stupid. But it's not just him. He's not the only reason I gave it up. I never really wanted to be there, but being the perfect daughter is all I've ever known. At least, trying to be. I never really make it there. I'm never really enough. _

_But with Steven that part of my life disappears and the pain stops. He loves me, I know that. I don't know if it's with his whole heart. But he does love me. _

_My Mom's home. I can't believe it. I don't want her here. I don't need her. She ruins everything. She's going after Bob and screwing with my life again. Why can't she just go away and leave me the hell alone? God she's even making trouble with Steven and I. I can't believe he wants her. How could he want her? Right in front of me he says that he's jealous of Bob. Does he know or even care how that hurts me? My boyfriend, the man I love, that I for the first time can actually picture a future with, a life, wants to nail my mom. It's the other girls all over again, rubbing in my face how easily I can be replaced... and for gods sake... it's my mom!_

_He saw me in a wedding dress today. I know he doesn't understand my 'obsession' with getting married. But its just another thing about me he doesn't understand and probably never will. I need to believe that it can all work out. That you can love somebody enough to never want to be away from them. I do believe that, cause I want to be with Steven... I just can't seem to make him see that. Its not about the wedding and being the centre of attention one day. Its about the stability, the trust, the love that comes with being married. That one person where you are the centre of their world. Where they couldn't imagine spending one day of their life without you. And not because you're pretty or because you put out. But because you're you, and they love who you are inside. I want that. What Red and Kitty have. Someone who knows you inside out, and still loves you, still wants to be with you. I want it with Steven._

_I can't believe it. He saw my mom topless... and he was pleased about it. Why can't he see how this hurts me. First going on how jealous he is that he doesn't get to nail her, then seeing her topless. Right in front of me. I think he does want to hurt me. He's not stupid. He knows what effect his words have. He just doesn't care. _

_I saw him today. Talking to Red. I didn't know what they talking about at the time. But I heard him say that he was single. Single. What the hell am I then? Who am I to him? I'm nothing. I don't even exist. I know they didn't see me. They couldn't have. I was frozen to the spot. I must have stood there for about 20 mins, not moving. I just couldn't believe what he'd said. It's in time like these that I wonder why I bother. Why I can't just talk myself out of love with him and walk away. I've talked myself into so much in the past. When it hurts like this, why can't I talk it away._

_I was so scared today. He fell off the water tower. Well thats not true. Donna pushed Steven off the water tower. I know it was an accident, but it scared me to death. I could've lost him, in a instant. I walked through the hospital corridors and could barely breathe. Walking into the room, and seeing him lying there, I had to remind myself that there were people around and he'd hate me if I started crying. I pushed back the tears and put on my normal selfish Jackie face and no one was the wiser. I don't think Steven even was. I was so scared. It would kill me if anything ever happened to him. Its funny how you spend your whole life hoping to find someone you love so much they're oxygen, and then you find it and it's terrifying. Cause at any moment, they could be ripped away from you and you won't be able to breath anymore. A part of you, would die. _

_I can't believe that William Barnett. How dare he accuse Steven of such horrible things. My Steven is nothing like that. He is a wonderful person who could care less about someone's bank account or anything like that. All he wanted was to know his father. How dare he? My Steven is so much more than William Barnett could ever imagine. So much more than I ever did... until I met him, and loved him. He's suprisingly genuine when he's not hiding behind his zen. His beautiful eyes show you everything. He can't lie in them. It's amazing. I love it. I love him. And no one talks about the people I love like that, especially not the one I love the most. _

_It's so hard to love someone so much and know they will never love you back. I know he loves me, in his own way, he does. But he'll never love me the way I love him. I don't know why. I'm trying. I really am. I'm trying to be and do all the things he needs. Everything to make him happy. But it's not enough. I'm not enough. I can see it in his eyes. I'm a hassle. He doesn't know, because he doesn't see it. I guess I should be thankful that he loves me enough to try to protect me from that. To lie to me and just say, 'I don't know', rather than tell me that he doesn't see a future for us. He doesn't see me in his life. And everytime I see him, all I see, is my life, my future, my heart. _

_I had to leave. As much as it killed me, I had to walk away. It was so hard, my legs felt like lead, and as soon as I was out the door they refused to carry me any further. I don't know how long a sat on the cement basement stairs, crying, but Eric came home and he tried to comfort me. I appreciate it. But nothing can fix this. Nothing is going to make this better. Are you still alive, are you still human, if you're missing your heart?_

_How can he be so cruel? How can he act like we never had anything when it's killing me being near him, and it's killing me being away from him? It's so hard to make it through a couple of hours with him now. And today I couldn't even last that. I had to run away from him before he saw me cry. I don't want him to pity me. The humiliation would be the end of me. Yet, the prospect of everyone at that damn game seeing me cry, seemed less frightening than Steven seeing me. I don't know how Donna found me._

_We got back together. You'd think I'd be happier about that. I can't be. He's only with me for sex and making out. Fez's little stunt today proved that. And I let it happen. I let it happen because it hurts so much and I need the pain to stop. Just for a little while. Things will go back to normal. Steven will burn me, saying some of the cruelest things I've ever heard to me, and we'll make out or have sex later like it never happened. I'll pretend that it doesn't hurt, when I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. I'll pretend that our relationship is perfect. All because I'm too weak to be away from him. And yet, I'm too weak to be with him too. I don't know what I'm doing. But I'll let this happen, and I'll let myself be happy for a while, before it all happens again. Before we find ourselves back into the same position, where I'm trying to find a future for us, and he's trying to pull away. I just hope that it won't be the end of us._

_It's the end. I thought it hurt to walk away before, it felt nothing like this. I have to be strong, I have to do this for me. This could be a huge oppurtunity for me. But he doesn't even see. I would give it all up in a second if he could give me something. Anything. No matter how tiny to let me know that he loves me and he wants to be with me. It's pathetic. I know it, and I still crave it, need it. The one thing I need, assurance and stability, and he can't give it to me. It kills me to think that I'm not the one for him, when I'm certain, he's the one for me. _

_Damn Michael! Steven was standing in front of me. Willing to give himself to me, and Michael has to show up. I don't know what he was even doing when he showed up at my hotel room, in the first place. Well that's not true, he thought since Steven and I broke up, I'd sleep with him. He's so predictable. Two steps in the door and he's naked. I sent him to get ice to get him the hell out of my room. He ruins everything. _

_But now that I know that Steven wants me, that he loves me, I'll do anything to get him back. Anything. I need him. I love him, I can't lose him. I can't._

_Why is it the people we love can evoke so much pain? Through everything we've been through, there's been so much, yet nothing has ever felt this bad. Nothing has ever hurt this much. There is physical pain in my chest and I can't stop crying. He married someone else..._

Hyde stared at the page, it was covered in water droplets. She'd cried so much on it. He wiped away a fresh spot, not at all shocked to find that it came from his own eye. He was reading the journal Jackie wrote in when she was sad. He'd known she'd had two. Her happy journal and her sad journal. She'd said once that she wouldn't dirty up the good memories with the bad, and that's why she had two. But reading this, was causing him more pain than he expected... but more shocking was how he was welcoming it. He needed it. He needed to feel as bad as she did, it was his punishment. He'd caused so much pain in his beautiful dollface, he'd had no idea just how much until now. And he knew it was only going to get worse, but he forced himself to keep reading. He needed to.

_I don't understand. I never will. Doesn't he know how hard this is for me? How hard it is to plaster on a smile and pretend that I'm not completely broken? How he can look at me like I'm nothing. When I look at him and I see everything. He looks at me, and talks to me, like someone he's hated with raging fire, all his life. And as the day goes on, he becomes even more hateful. I'm a punching bag. I'm a joke. I never meant anything to him at all. I tried to give him everything, I gave him the best of me, I changed for him. But it was never enough, I was never enough, and never what he needed. It took more than he'll ever know to give him my body, my heart, my life. And he can just tread on it so easily. Like we never... He stole my life._

_I don't understand._

_I can't do this anymore. A stripper he met in Vegas for a week means more to him than I do. He treats her better than he ever treated me. I loved him, I believed in him, I trusted him. And he's thrown it away. I hate him... So why can't I stop the pain? Why can't I stop loving him? Please make it stop... Please..._

_I can't cry anymore. I can't do this anymore. He's not the person I thought he was, the person he used to be. He's not the person I loved... I still love. The man I wanted more than I could ever express, who could make me feel things that I'd only read about. The man who wanted me. But I can't cry anymore. I walk around with a permanent headache, and a broken heart. I don't like this person I've become. I'm a shell, there's barely anything of me left. I have to get the hell away from here, from him, before there's nothing left at all. _

_It's not like there's anything here for me anymore. I don't family, my friends have turned their backs on me, if they were ever really my friends to begin with... no boyfriend.. no job... nothing at all. I gave it all up for him, and he tossed me aside. Now all that's left is this deep freezing cold inside me that I can't get rid of. I'm taking the money from Mr. Foreman, and I'm leaving. Hopefully, I'll find something and won't ever have to come back._

_I got my wish. But that's the funny thing about wishes, they don't turn out as you expect. I found something for me here, in San Francisco, and it's going to keep me here. I'll get my stuff, I'll pack up my life, and then i'll never have to go back to Point Place again. Funny how that isn't really what I wanted. As much as I wished for it. What I wanted was to be able to go home, back to the world I remembered, where i was safe and loved... not the Point Place that exists now. It's only pain. But I can't hate him anymore. It's not his fault I wasn't enough... and I finally know, it wasn't mine either. We weren't meant to be together, as much as I wanted it. As much as I tried to hold on to us. But sometimes you hold onto something so hard that it slips through your fingers. If you ever had a hold of it at all. We were like sand Steven and I, he was bound to slip through my fingers eventually. You can't make someone love you, no matter how much you love them._

_Why does he do this to me? How can he? How can he show up here and confuse me so much? He knows how much I love him. He knows how much pain I'm in. And he stands in front me telling me he wants me back, everything that I thought I wanted to hear from him. And hearing it proves that I still want to hear it, no matter how hard I tried to talk myself out of it in San Francisco. I still love him. With everything I am. But I don't think I can forgive this. He chose someone over me. He married someone who wasn't me. How do I forgive that? _

Steven put the Journal down. The last entry had only been mere days ago. He'd caused her so much pain. And the whole time she'd never known how much he loved her. How much he wanted her. How much he still does. He'd never realised how insecure she was, as beautiful as she is, he couldn't imagine that she could ever think that she wasn't enough. That she was lacking. When she was so much. He looked up at the clock and realised he had about an hour before Jackie got home. He needed to put this right. So he did the only thing he could think of. He picked up a pen, ripped a page out of the journal and started writing.

TBC..


	11. Chapter 10

_Author's Note: Thanks for all the really positive reviews. I promise I will try to reply to you all individually.. i'm just a little short of time at the moment. But thank you so much, its really appreciate and I love hearing from you. Hope you enjoy this next chapter. Thanks. x x Ally_

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_Previously:_

_He'd caused her so much pain. And the whole time she'd never known how much he loved her. How much he wanted her. How much he still does. He'd never realised how insecure she was, as beautiful as she is, he couldn't imagine that she could ever think that she wasn't enough. That she was lacking. When she was so much. He looked up at the clock and realised he had about an hour before Jackie got home. He needed to put this right. So he did the only thing he could think of. He picked up a pen, ripped a page out of the journal and started writing._

**_Chapter 10_**

When Jackie arrived home, she opened the door to the apartment and saw Steven sitting on the sofa staring straight ahead. When he heard her, he looked up at her, with a somber expression. Jackie looked at him confused before looking at the coffee table and seeing her journal laying open on the table surface. She could see her curly writing on the page and knew he'd been reading it. She looked at him, his eyes bare, missing their usual dark shades, and saw all the emotion in his eyes. Regret, sorrow, pain. She started to open her mouth to yell at him for reading her most private thoughts but he stopped her with a raised hand and stood up. He had something in his hand, she could see it as he walked towards her. He stopped mere inches in front of her, invading her space.

"You can yell at me all you want for reading your journal later. But I think you should know that I'm not sorry, cause I never knew about any of it, I never knew what was going on in your head and I should have. I'm not sorry I read it, it told me who you are and who I am to you. I think you need to know somethings about me to." He raised his hand and held out a piece of paper to her. "Read it. Please. Then we'll talk."

Jackie took the folded paper from him and realised it was actually two sheets of paper from her journal. She watched him walk away from her into the kitchen. She just stood there for a moment, watching him and listening to him move around the kitchen preparing dinner. Looking down at the paper in her hand, Jackie unfolded it slowly and stared at the page. Her eyes struggling to focus on the words for a moment, before it all became clear and she started to read.

_Jackie,_

_There are a lot of things that I left unspoken in our relationship. Things that should have been said, things that should have been talked about, but I kept my mouth shut. It's time to own up, to confess. I'm so not good with words, so I'm telling you, the only way I can..._

_I've been lying to you. Basically since I met you. And I'm sorry. I lied when I said I hated you, or that you repulsed me. It was never true. I always thought you were beautiful. I lied when I said I was trying to get Kelso caught to burn him. I wanted to protect you. I couldn't tell you, because I couldn't rat out my friend. But I had to try. I didn't know why at the time, I just had the overwhelming need to do anything and everything to prevent you from getting hurt. And everytime Kelso hurt you, it was like a knife to my stomach. _

_I was lying when I pretended I didn't want to go to the Prom with you. It was my honour to take you, and a secret I'd carried for a long time. When I saw you in that dress, I was mesmerised. You were so beautiful. And I couldn't believe, that for one night, you were with me. It made me feel so proud. It made me feel worthy._

_I lied when I said I hated trying to comfort you, or hated when you ran into my arms. I loved that it was me you wanted to hold you, and I loved the feel of you in my arms. I wanted to be the one who could comfort you. The one who could take your pain away. _

_I lied on Veteran's day. I felt something. I felt more than I ever had before. And I knew that night why I'd done everything I had. I was falling for you. It scared the hell out of me. Falling in love meant opening yourself up for pain and disappointment, and I was too much of a coward to do that. So I lied, and I pretended that seeing you with Kelso later didn't rip me in half. It was probably one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. But with you, I had a tendancy to do that. Make mistakes that were life shattering, heart breaking. I didn't mean to. You have to believe that. Believe that I never wanted to cause you pain. That I hated causing you pain. It hurt me to do so. And I'm sorry that I couldn't stop._

_I should have trusted you. It was my mistake, not yours. And it was my stupidity that sent me to that nurse. My bruised pride, and my idiotic ability to jump to conclusions. I should have stayed and talked to you, and probably thrown Kelso out on his ass. I know that it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and not just because I lost you for a while, but because I hurt you. I caused you pain, and a part of you was never the same._

_I lied when I said I hated your unicorns and dillusions of romance and love. There's an innocense in your eyes that always appears when you talk about them. An innocense that through everything you've been through never faulters and never fades. Its beautiful and breathtaking, and even more amazing is that no one else seems to be able to see it. Its like a little part of you that's just for my eyes. And I love that._

_I lied when I said that I didn't care whether or not you believed in me. I've always cared. You're the one person I never wanted to let down. The one person I wanted to be someone for. To amount to something. I loved the person I was in your eyes, and it kills me to think that person doesn't exist there anymore. That I killed the vision. And I'll do anything to get it back Jackie. Anything. I wanna prove to you that I am that man. That I can be that man. With you and for you, only you, I can be._

_I was lying after that summer. I would have waited forever for you. I wanted to make you jealous. To piss you off. I never even kissed that girl. I couldn't, not after I'd kissed you. Nothing compares to you. No one. _

_Every stupid comment I ever made, every burn... they were all lies. I've never seen you as anything but perfect. I swear to that. Regardless of what I said, and whether or not you piss me off, because you do sometimes, to me you are perfect. I couldn't, I wouldn't, I don't, want anyone else... ever. I'm sorry that they hurt you so bad. I wish I could say that I wouldn't have said them if I'd known, but I can't. I don't know that for sure. I was an asshole then. I still am. But I don't want to hurt you anymore, so they will never make a repeat performance. _

_I lied when I told you that I didn't know. That's the one I think I'm sorriest for. Because that led to the worst things I've ever done to you or anyone for that matter. I did know. I did see a future with you. It scared the hell out of me, but I did. Every time I looked into your eyes, I saw all the things I never knew I wanted. I saw us.. together, with a house and kids. I saw us as a family. A real, true family. It was terrifying. I didn't think I could live up to it. I didn't think that I was capable of living that life. I'd screw up. Eventually I would. And I'd lose everything. Nothing was scarier, is scarier, than the thought of losing you AND our kids. I know you understand that. I know now. I didn't then. You know the fear that comes with feeling inadequate. I did know that you felt that way. But I never knew you felt that way with me. I turned it around on you alot. My fears, my self doubt, and I blamed you for everything that I wasn't capable of. I'll always be sorry for that. That and so many other things. And baby, when I look into your eyes, I still see us._

_I know you wonder what the hell I was thinking as I watched you walk away. I was dying inside baby. Watching you walk away, was watching myself die, cause you are my life. I never thought I'd think, let alone say (or write), something like that, but it's true, and your deserve to know that. I was hurting baby. I was so close, and I had so much to say to you, I was so close to having it all. Having our family. And I let it walk out the door. I was hurting too baby, and it was all my fault. I'm so sorry that I then went and walked away from you. I know how much it hurt me, I didn't know how much it hurt you. I'm so sorry. _

_I know you don't want to talk about her anymore. But I'm sorry for Sam. And I lied. I didn't like anything about her. Let alone love her. I lied to her to. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but I lied to her everytime I kissed her, or touched her. Because I was kissing you. I was touching you. I even said your name once. She ignored it. But it was said, loud and unmistakably. I know you don't want to hear that, but I need you to know that even then, you were always on my mind. _

_Everything I said to you then was a lie. Everything. Please don't think that any of it stemmed from truth. Because not one word did. I never felt any of those things, or thought any of those things, about you. You have always been my dollface. Always. There's no excuse for what I did and what I said, but I need you to know, that I did it because I missed you and I loved you so much. I know it sounds sick and twisted... and, well, like crap. But its true. I missed you and loved you so much it was killing me to be in the same room with you and not be with you. I hated that I couldn't get over you. That I couldn't make myself stop loving you. And I lashed out at you. I blamed you again. Just like I did all the times before. I am so sorry. I could say it everyday for the rest of my life and it would never be enough, but it's true. I am so sorry. _

_I lied when I said I didn't like hearing you say nice things about me. I loved it. I loved hearing you say you were proud of me. And the whole time with Sam, all I could wonder, was if you were still proud of me. I knew the answer. I saw the disappointment and hurt in your eyes everytime you looked at me. And it hurt so much. _

_I lied. I did care when you went away. I missed you so much. I thought it was bad having you near me and not being able to touch you, but it was so much worse not having you there at all. So many times I'd wake up in the morning and not remember. I'd go downstairs and pick up the phone and dial Fez's number to talk to you, to tell you how much I missed you... to hear the sound of your voice. But just as it started ringing, I'd remember that you weren't there and you weren't mine, and I'd hang up before it could be answered. I'd stare at the phone just missing you, and hating myself. I was the cause. I was the reason you weren't there. I broke your heart. _

_I know you wonder if I was missing you and thinking of you, and I hope you know now, that I was. I missed you every second, and thought of you every minute. I loved you with everything I had, and I've never stopped. I longed to be able to touch you, to hold you, to kiss you. To hear your voice call my name. Not Hyde, but Steven, the way only you can. The way that makes me shiver, no matter how hard I try to hide it. _

_But more than anything, I wanted to see your eyes. I wanted to see laughter, and happiness and love back in your incredible eyes. I caused the disappointment, the pain, the sadness. I wanted to be able to take it away again. I wanted to be the person you ran to for comfort. Not the person you ran from. I wanted to see the light back in your eyes. Even if it meant that you weren't with me. I would have given anything, my life, to see it back there, one more time._

_I want to see your light again Jackie. I want to be the person who can take the pain away._

_With all the lies I told, there were truths amoung them. It was the truth everytime I said I love you, even though they were few. I still love you, more and more each day, and I'm gonna start telling you more. _

_It was the truth when I said you were beautiful. You are. You always have been. And that day in the mall, when you were trying on that wedding dress, I don't think you've ever looked more beautiful, and believe me, I didn't think that was possible. I didn't think you could possibly become more beautiful than you are, but you keep suprising me._

_And it was the truth when I told you I missed you calling me Puddin Pop. Because I missed everything about you, but what I think would suprise you the most, is that I miss the sound of your voice when i'm denied it. Whether it be, for a minute, a day, a week, a month. I miss your voice, and the way you whisper that you love me, that you're proud of me, that you believe in me. I want you to be proud of me again Jackie. _

_In case you ever doubted it. You make me happy. You are enough. More than enough. More than I deserve. We belong together baby. _

_I love you. So much. _

_My perfect dollface._

_xx Steven. _

Jackie looked up from the paper, tears streaming down her face and saw Steven standing in the kitchen entry, looking at her. He was staring at her so intensely, trying to read her. As soon as he saw the tears, he strode over to her so quickly, she barely saw it through the tears. But she felt his hands on her cheeks, the pad of his thumbs wiping the tears from her face. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly as the tears continued to flow. Her body remained still, no sobs wracking her tiny body, but the tears continued, and his hold on her never faulted. After what seemed like an eternity, Jackie gently pulled away and looked up at Steven. Her face had tear stains but she was still so beautiful.

"We should have talked to each other. We could've saved each other a lot of pain." Her voice cracked as she spoke, wavering through the tears.

"I know baby. But we weren't capable of it then. From now on though, talk to me. Please. Don't feel like you can't, cause I'll freak out or something, ok? I promise, you can talk to me about anything." He looked into her eyes as he spoke, knowing his eyes would convince her of truth in his words. She nodded slowly. "And I promise to talk to you." She nodded again and pulled further away from him. She looked down at the ground before looking back up into his eyes.

He smiled softly at her. But then winced as a sharp pain radiated up his leg from his shin. She'd kicked him. He looked at her in confusion as he held his leg.

"What'd you do that for?" He whined. He knew he was whining, but he didn't care. She'd kicked him.

"That was for reading my diary." She stated matter of factly. Steven nodded before standing upright and taking his punishment like a man. "Steven I need you to do something for me... for us." Jackie's voice was steely, she was serious and whatever she was going to ask, he knew it would be heavy.

Jackie watched his face contort in displeasure and apprehension and knew exactly what he was thinking. She couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes at him. "Relax, I'm not going to ask you to go to couple's therapy with me or something like that." He visibly relaxed and she wanted to laugh. But she continued instead. "You and I both know that we wouldn't do so well in that, we'd both be thinking the guy was a whacko. And besides, they'd probably only get us to talk about the things we already have... I need..." She hesitated and took a deep breath before continuing. "I need you to ask me out."

He didn't know what he was expecting her to say, but that wasn't it.

"What?" He asked confused. She could always confuse the hell out of him, like no one else, and he loved it.

"We never dated Steven. We went from fooling around, to serious relationship. There was no in between, no beginning, nothing." She was looking at him, pleading with him to understand, and give her this.

He nodded. She was right. They were never even friends. They'd had one pretty disastrous date on Veteran's day, but that was it. Steven couldn't help but smile at the memory of that seriously hot kiss though. They did need this. They did need to go out, and date like normal couples, not just jump into things again.

"Jackie... will you go out with me?" He asked with a small smile, that grew as a smile of her own lit up Jackie's face.

And in barely a whisper, she answered. "Yes."

TBC...

Come on... I know you want to.. I can see the cursor hovering over the button... come on, Review:) lol


	12. Chapter 11

_Previously:_

_"Jackie... will you go out with me?" He asked with a small smile, that grew as a smile of her own lit up Jackie's face._

_And in barely a whisper, she answered. "Yes."_

_**Chapter 11**_

Hyde leaned forward and brushed his lips across Jackie's in a fleeting kiss. Her eyes were closed when he pulled away from her.

"So we'll eat, dinner should be almost ready, and we'll go out." Steven called over his shoulder as he started walking towards the kitchen. Jackie remained glued to the spot still clutching his letter.

"We don't have to go tonight baby." As she spoke, Steven could hear the smile in her voice. He stopped what he was doing and turned to face her.

"Yes we do." His tone was soft and serious and Jackie just nodded.

"I'm going to get changed then." She said with a smile before darting into the bedroom, leaving a smiling Hyde behind to finish getting dinner.

Jackie closed the bedroom door with a sigh and leaned against it, letting her head fall back against the hard wood. She closed her eyes and reminded herself to breathe before bringing a shaking hand up to her forehead. She was trying so hard not to cry. She was holding in her hand everything she'd ever wanted from him, his heart. It was overwhelming. He was here, in her apartment, with her. And he was trying. He was really trying. He hadn't even tried to 'burn' her the whole time. He was keeping his word. He was telling her he loved her all the time. He was trying to be perfect for her, and she was grateful, and she knew how hard it was for him. But her heart was still broken, and his letter had started to mend it.

She'd been afraid to ask him out, or to ask him to ask her out. She knew it was something he once would have groaned about and made some stupid comment. And although he'd been great the last couple of days, she wasn't sure if he'd changed that much that quickly. But after reading his letter, his wonderful letter, she knew he had. She knew he'd always been the man she was hoping he could be, that he was just frightened. She knew that all too well. She'd been terrified herself. She'd never felt anything as strong as what she felt with him, and it terrified her. Especially when she realised that she'd abandoned all her childhood fantasies because he'd become her fantasy. And when she'd realised that she would willingly give up anything he asked, leave everything behind if that's what he wanted, she'd fought the urge to run for hills. She'd never needed or loved anyone they way she did him, and reading his letter she finally knew that he felt the same way.

As she stood there, not processing anything but the words on the page, she'd understood what he was doing. He couldn't tell her, not because he didn't want to, but because he didn't know how. But he could write it, or at least try to, and he'd done an amazing job. When she finished all her doubts had been laid to rest. Throughout their entire relationship she'd feared and doubted that he loved her as much as she loved him. She didn't anymore. She knew. He loved her with everything he had. And that's why she was standing in her bedroom, leaning against the door, trying to control her emotions. She wanted to cry her relief, her happiness. She wanted to fall in a heap from the emotional exhaustion of the last 6 months or more. Because she could finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. They were going to be ok. She knew that now. They just had to be strong.

When Jackie finally emerged, she felt much better. She'd had a warm shower and changed, and as soon as she saw Steven standing at the kitchen counter smiling at her, a real smile, no smirk, she felt a new wave of energy course through her. She walked towards him and kissed him gently, but it wasn't enough, she had the overwhelming need to be held by him. So she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. She was so grateful when he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tight against him without uttering a word. And when she pulled away after what felt like an eternity but was probably less then 5 minutes, she saw shame in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Jackie asked trying not to let the fear overwhelm her.

"I wanted to make dinner really great for us, but we don't have a table, she we have eat at the counter." He said with a sheepish smile and she couldn't help but laugh. At the look of outrage on his face, Jackie leaned in and kissed Steven soundly.

"Baby, I don't care. I really don't. I just want to be here with you. It's fine." She spoke softly as her hand stroked his cheek. He nodded and they sat down to eat. It was quiet, but it was comfortable and the smiles never left their faces. As they finished and Hyde cleared their plates into the sink Jackie watched him with intrigue. "So what are we doing tonight?"

"Well" Hyde spoke as he came around the counter to stand in front of her. "I thought Ice cream, and maybe a walk down by the water. See it up-close, rather than in the distance from the window." He studied her expression waiting for her reaction, and almost sighed with relief when a megawatt smile lit up her face... the first one he'd seen since... well, for a very long time. And a voice somewhere inside of him screamed at him that that was his job now. To keep that smile on her face. No matter what.

TBC...

Author's note:

A short one, considering all the angst I've been dishing out lately. Next up, is the date:)  
Thanks for all the really great reviews... I hope you keep them coming. :)


	13. Chapter 12

It's been a while, I know. I'm sorry. But I work in retail when i'm not studying and incase there are people out there who still don't know, it was christmas recently. This little holiday :) Meant I was kinda busy. Hope this chapter makes up for my absence. And there is so much more to come.

**_Chapter 12_**

They'd gone for ice cream and taken a walk down by the water. It was beautiful and it felt like home. They'd talked about stupid meaningless things, like people did on dates. They'd laughed about happier times. It had been peaceful, safe, warm and comforting. Jackie and Hyde had been themselves. Without the masks or the attitudes. They'd just been Steven and Jackie, with no walls between them. It had been perfect. But as they walked back to the apartment building, the sun long since set and the hour becoming very late, they were both a little apprehensive about going up. It meant their date was over, and neither was too sure about what would happen next between them. If they could keep this peace, this perfection.

They walked up the stairs to the apartment in silence. Hyde had stepped back and allowed Jackie to let them in to the small yet quaint apartment without a word. They both seemed to afraid to speak, afraid to break the spell that had been cast on them and made it a perfect night. More than either of them could have hoped for.

They stood in the living room looking at each other and slowly Jackie started to smile at Steven. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. She smiled into his shoulder when she felt the strength of his arms engulf her waist. Jackie pulled back to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

When she pulled back, his breath caught at the honest, radiant smile that lit up beautiful face. Unable to speak, he tried not to show the disappointment he felt when she pulled away from him and headed towards the bedroom without looking back.

Hyde sighed and moved to set up the sofa that would be his bed. He looked toward the bedroom door and shook his head. He had to stop this, they had to go slow and him wanting to jump into bed with her right now was not taking things slow. So he shed his clothes down to his boxer shorts and sat down on his little makeshift bed. He was just about to lie down when he heard her voice whisper his name. Hyde looked over the back of the sofa, to the bedroom but didn't see anything, the room was dark, but the door was open. He stood and walked towards it. Stopping in the door way Hyde looked in, and saw Jackie lying under the covers in the bed, her eyes looking straight at him.

"C'mere... Hold me?" She whispered in a shy voice. He smiled softly, how could he deny that request, and walked over to her. Climbing in behind her, he scooted up close to her and wrapped his arm around her. Her tiny hand took his and held it against her chest, right over her heart. He couldn't help but smile. They'd slept in this position so many times, they'd even been caught sleeping in this position, and it was still his favourite, even after all this time. "Steven?" Her whisper brought his attention from his musings and back to the beautiful girl in his arms. "Thank you."

She said it so softly. He didn't need to ask what she was thankful for. He knew. She was thanking him for giving her a perfect night that she needed so desperately to experience with him. For holding her now, and not expecting or asking anything more from her than this. For fighting for them. For not hiding and letting them die. For trying. Something she knew was extremely hard for him. He knew all that, and it was why his only response was to kiss the back of her neck gently.

He felt her relax in his arms, and he smiled softly. "Jackie." She wasn't asleep. He knew that. He always knew the moment she feel asleep, cause her grip on his hand would slack slightly, her chest would rise and fall deeper, and her body would go limp against his chest.

"Mmm." She mumbled and he smiled. He'd even missed the way she mumbled when she was tired, and lying in his arms. Although the macho part of him, told him it was the lying in his arms part that made the mumble sound more appealing than anything. But then that same part laughed at the fact that he loved having this tiny girl in his arms. None of it was decidedly macho, and for once he told that part of his brain to shut up and just enjoy it.

"While you were away. For that two weeks. I had a little chat with Red." Hyde stated. He didn't know why he was telling her this. Ok. He did. He just didn't know why he chose this moment.

"Yeah? What about?" Jackie had always known him better than anyone. She knew how hard it was for him to open up. And now, as he initiated this conversation, albeit at a very interesting time and place, that what he had to say was important, and more than likely, difficult for him to say.

"Well, it started in the normal manner, Red going on about how he fought in Korea so we could sit around on our asses and do nothing all day."

"Yeah. What made it different that time?" Jackie couldn't help but smile. Red was consistent, and she loved that about him. In a world full of uncertainty and hers especially, he was constant and unwavering. He may have been a hard ass, but she wouldn't want him any other way.

"I asked him why. I asked him why he fought." Hyde's voice went low, his tone soft as he remembered the conversation and the day. The pain he'd been feeling as he dealt with the very real possibility that he'd never see Jackie again, never hold her, never hear her laugh.

"Let me guess, he said, 'for my country'." Jackie laughed. She remembered a time when they'd been talking, her and Red. People didn't know, but they talked a lot. He liked her, and he was one of the few people that she knew that it wasn't false, or under any pretence. He was safe, he was kind, and he was the father she'd always wished hers could have been.

"Yeah. But I expected that… I wanted the truth though, you know? What would make him go and put his life on the line like that." It had always been a mystery to Steven. A puzzle he could never quite figure out. Why someone could put so much faith into something that they were willing to die for it. That they loved something so much. But as he got older... as he and Jackie got closer... he started understand.

"So you asked him again." Hyde couldn't help but smile at her response. She knew him so well.

"Uh huh" He mumbled as he tightened his arms around her and breathed in the scent of her hair.

"What'd he say?" She was curious as to where Steven was going with this. She knew he had a point, and more than likely, a very profound point. But she couldn't see it... yet.

_**////Flashback////**_

_Red sat in his green chair, in his living room, and gave Steven, the boy he saw as his own son, the answer he so desperately needed._

_"For right now, Steven. Right here, today. I fought for my wife and my kids." His answer was honest, and his tone had lost the usual gruffness it held. His voice was soft, and truthful._

_"But you didn't have kids or a wife then." Steven sat enthralled. He needed this answer, and he knew that Red knew why. If you're going to fight for anything, you need a reason, you need something to drive you through the pain in hopes of coming into the light. _

_"No but I had the possibility. I fought so I could sit here, with my crazy wife upstairs, who I love. So Eric could go to Africa or Austria or even Korea if that's what he wanted. I fought so Laurie could… well so she could be whoever she wanted to be. And I fought so that you could have every chance possible to be the man I know you are" Red looked at Steven imploringly. Steven may have needed the answer, but Red needed Steven to understand. To grow up and start fighting for the life he could have, not resign himself to the life he had then. _

_**///End Flashback///**_

"Really? He said that?" Jackie wasn't surprised, and she suspected that Hyde knew that. But she was proud and happy, cause she knew how much that meant to Steven. To have the man he looked upon as his father, the only real father he'd ever known, to call him his son. It meant more to Steven than anything else in the world.

"Yeah. And it got me thinking."

"About what?"

"About you. About how you always believed I could be that man. And how, fighting now may be hard, but it's worth it for what could be." Steven's voice had dropped to a whisper and tears had formed in Jackie's eyes. He was telling her why he was here. Why now, he had the courage to fight when all he'd ever done in the past was run. Because she was worth it, they were worth it. The promise of a future together, full of happiness and life was worth fighting for. Because now, he was ready to grow up.

"I love you." Jackie whispered, not trusting her voice to speak any louder. He'd given her, in that moment, everything she'd ever wanted from him. His heart, and his promise.

"I love you too." He buried his face against her neck and breathed in the scent of her, before kissing her gently, and closing his eyes. Sleep overwhelmed them and for the first time in months, it came to them gently, without nightmares, and with light hearts.

TBC...

It's a short one this time. I know.. But I really wanted to end it there. Next one should be up soon... hopefully. Reviews please:)


	14. Chapter 13

**_Chapter 13_**

Hyde awoke feeling more rested than he had in over 6 months, maybe longer. He smiled to himself unwilling to open his eyes and break the spell by letting the world in. Instead he rolled over seeking the body of the girl he knew was the cause of his very un-Hyde like happiness. But he was met with nothing but mattress and sheet. His eyes opened quickly, looking for Jackie, scanning the room but finding no sign of her. He stood from the bed and headed toward the adjoining bathroom, but the door was open and when he poked his head in, it was empty. Heading towards the bedroom door he heard her voice coming from the living room. Hyde stepped closer, moving to lean against the door jam. Jackie was sitting on the sofa, leaning against the arm, the phone against her ear. She obviously wasn't aware of his presence, so Hyde remained still and silent, listening.

"I'm doing good… really." It was strange only hearing once side of a conversation.

"How are you? Are you looking after yourself?" Concern was thick in her voice. Hyde had no idea who she was talking to but he was intrigued. "Good, I'm so glad. I worry about you. How's everything in Point Place?"

Hyde had to resist the natural reaction of hiding behind his Zen mask at her words, cause the only person Hyde could think of that Jackie would speak to like that was Kelso. He wasn't being that guy though, he'd promised that he wasn't going to do that again, fall back on old habits. He trusted her, with no argument. But his back stiffened slightly none the less, as he continued to listen.

"That sounds like typical Eric." She laughed and it only served to further convince Hyde that she had left him in bed to talk to Kelso.

"Everything's going really well here actually. Really, it's great. Better than I ever could have hoped. I'm actually happy, or at the very least almost there, so close I can taste it." Hyde relaxed slightly at her words but was still troubled by her uncertainty. He wanted to make her happy so badly. More than he ever thought he'd ever want anything.

"I enrolled in a cooking class last time I was here. I haven't told Steven yet, I want it to be a surprise for him now." He had to smile at that. She always tried so hard for him, and god he loved it. He loved her and he was trying now too.

"You are? Really?" Hyde heard the awe, wonder and restrained emotion in her voice. He could even picture her glassy eyes as she held the back tears he knew were forming in her eyes. He would have given anything in that moment to have heard the other side of the conversation.

"I miss you, you know?" And Hyde's back stiffened once again. "Ok. Take care of yourself, you hear me? I need you around…" Hyde found himself intrigued again, and that back of his was feeling awfully tight.

"I will, I promise. I'll call again soon… Bye Mr. Foreman." Jackie hung up the phone and all the tension left Hyde's body, a smile replacing it.

Jackie turned toward Hyde and looked startled by his presence for a moment before smiling brightly.

"Hi. I didn't know you were there." She walked towards him and Hyde was pleasantly surprised when she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Talking to Red?" Hyde asked with a smile as his arms went around her.

"Mmm. He likes me you know?" She smiled teasingly up at him.

"I know. You're the only one he does like." Hyde laughed.

"Nah, he likes you too."

"Well, what's not to like?" Hyde joked and leaned down to kiss her gently when she rolled her eyes playfully at him.

"Oh by the way, with everything that happened yesterday I didn't get a chance to say thank you." Jackie smiled up at him and as he looked into her beautiful face he realised… he didn't have a clue as to what she was talking about.

"For what?" Steven asked with complete and utter confusion etched across his face and laden in his voice. Jackie couldn't help but giggle as it passed across his face.

"For unpacking." She smiled as she slapped his shoulder playfully.

"Oh... I didn't finish though." He sounded disappointed and Jackie knew that there was shame in his voice. Not that he'd started something that he couldn't finish, but because he'd betrayed a trust when reading her diary. And although it had aired out a lot of feelings that neither were strong enough to bring up on their own just yet, it was still a betrayal. And one that he felt deeply sorry for. Jackie chose to ignore the shame in his voice, and carry on. They'd had enough with the deep and meaningful conversations for a little while. Today they'd just do domestic things and be normal. No angst. No arguments. Just the two of them doing something inane.

"Doesn't matter. We've got all day today. I don't have to go into the studio until tomorrow." Jackie spoke as she walked around the sofa to the boxes that were still lying on the floor.

"Oh my god. I completely forgot to ask you how that went yesterday." Hyde stated as he moved to help her lift one of the boxes on to the sofa.

"Yeah, well. I think that can be forgiven under the circumstances." Jackie smiled as she started pulling out odds and ends from within the box. "It was good. I go in tomorrow for some rehearsal thingy, and to meet the make up girls and the wardrobe girls. Apparently they need to get my measurements or whatever."

"I'm sure that's going to be a hardship. Going in to talk about clothes. Must be hell for you." Hyde teased and garnered himself an eye roll.

"I'll survive. Then I have to meet with the producer, Garry, the guy who gave me the job in the first place. You know, the one I met at the coffee shop and thought was a porn director or something." Jackie spoke animatedly, the lightness in her voice refreshing after so long.

"Yeah, you sure that he's not a porn director or whatever." He couldn't help but smile when she looked at him incredulously. It was their old game. The one that had never been hurtful… until he inevitably took it too far and said something stupid to hurt her. But lesson learned.

"Steven! Yes, I'm sure. I've been down to the studio remember, and there wasn't a single naked person in the whole building." Jackie stated defiantly, her hand on her hip. It was cute and he couldn't help himself.

"How do you know? Did you check every room?" He looked up when he didn't get a rebuttal, and saw her glaring at him. The whisper of a smile on her lips told him she knew he was kidding, but he took her hint. "Sorry, I'll stop."

"Thank you. I know you're worried about me Puddin' Pop, but its fine. Really." Jackie continued to move around the room, unpacking, completely unaware of her slip of the tongue. But Hyde wasn't. He heard her loud and clear. Puddin Pop had never sounded so good. He was staring at her, he knew but she didn't seem to notice. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her. That was until the unexpected sound of the door bell stole his focus. He watched as Jackie answered the door and a burly guy came into view.

"Delivery for a Miss Burkhart." He grunted, sweat dripping down his face. Jackie leaned over his clipboard signing her name as Hyde glared at the guy who was now peeking down Jackie's top as she bent over. "Where do you want them?" He asked as she straightened up.

"Just inside the door, thank you." Another two burly guys brought in three big boxes before leaving with a nod of their head. Jackie closed the door behind them, completely unaware of the attention she garnered from men. All three stealing glimpses of her as they left.

"Perves." Hyde muttered under his breath. "What's that?"

"Just some stuff from Point Place that Mr. Foreman sent for me." She smiled as she returned to her box. "Actually. Can you grab that really big one? It's my record player."

Hyde hadn't realised how quickly he'd jumped to attention until he was already at the box, bending down to pick it up. He smiled as he stood and headed over to the television with it. As he set it up he couldn't help but drift into a day dream. A dream of a future for them that he now could see was a very real possibility. A possibility that he'd never dreamed of entertaining once.

"You want a drink?" Hyde asked as he finished with the record player. It was hot in the little apartment. Hell in the entire state. It was summer in California after all.

"Thank you baby, I'd love one." Jackie called to him as he entered the kitchen. He was standing at the fridge, with two cans of pop in his hand when he heard the music start. Drifting in from the living room was the last song he ever expected his girlfriend to play. He smiled as he moved to stand at the door, looking in at Jackie as she swayed her hips along to the beat of Led Zeppelin's Black Dog. Her back was to him, so she never noticed his eyes following her every move. But Hyde didn't just see her, he could hear her. Singing along softly. Never faulting on a lyric. She knew it well. And it intrigued him no end as to just how she learnt the lyrics to his favourite song.

Hyde stepped into the room, their drinks forgotten, and idled up behind her. Slipping his hands around her waist, he pulled Jackie up against him tight, moving in to whisper in her ear.

"God you're sexy." His voice was so low as her hips continued to sway against him, her hands dropping to cover his on her stomach.

"You like me dancing to your favourite song?" She teased as she added a little extra flourish to her hips. Hyde for a moment, couldn't decided what was sexier, the way she moved or that she knew that it was his favourite song…. Definitely the way she moved!

"I like that you know it's my favourite… and you know the lyrics. That's pretty hot." He turned her around in a whirlwind that took her breath for a moment. "As for the way you move." He looked into her eyes for a moment, before sweeping his eyes up and down her body. "I love the way you move." He whispered, almost moaning, as they started to move together. Jackie's arms rose to wrap around Steven's neck as they stared into each other's eyes. Hyde knew that if his friends were there, they'd never let him live this moment down. And that thought only made him even more thankful that they weren't there, because if they were, he and Jackie wouldn't be having this moment at all. And this moment, was hot.

Jackie's eyes slipped shut, and she leant her forehead against his, as they danced together. She was remembering a similar time in their past. When they held each other, just swaying to the music. It was one of their happy times, and the memory caused the tiny smile that quirked at the edges of her mouth.

"Hey." Steven whispered in her ear. "You remember that summer? The first one, when Donna and Kelso were in California and we spent the 4th together."

Jackie didn't answer and Hyde knew she was trying to remember.

"Red and Kitty were at Bob's BBQ, fez was there trying to steal beer and we were alone in the basement. We were on the sofa having a very good time, if I remember correctly. But we were interrupted by Fez eventually."

Jackie started to pick up on the memory he was recalling. It hadn't been the one on her mind, but it was definitely a good one. "You took my hand and dragged me out to the el Camino. First time we took it out of the basement."

"Mmhmm… We went out to that spot that I took you to on our Veteran's day date."

Jackie nodded, resting her head in the crook of his neck as they continued to sway.

"I played the radio and we sat in the bed of the car for a while, before you pulled away and looked at me with this look in your eyes. It was pretty powerful. Then you rested your head on my shoulder, and held my hand." Steven's voice dropped to a whisper as he breathed in the scent of her strawberry shampoo.

Jackie took his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together just like she had that day, without removing her head from its home on his shoulders.

"What made you think of that?" She asked, her lips brushing his skin as she spoke.

"I fell in love with you then." His voice was so soft; Jackie only heard it because of their close proximity. She raised her head and looked into his eyes, noticing for the first time that he hadn't worn his sunglasses in days.

"Really?" She asked.

"Yeah. I mean, I'd been falling for you for a long time before then. But that was the moment." He smiled and leant in to brush a kiss over her lips. "Do you remember yours?" He asked shyly. It was a question he'd always wondered. Just when had Jackie fallen in love with him?

"Of course I do." She rested her head back on his shoulder before continuing. "You're 18th birthday. I was running around trying to plan the perfect party for you but I didn't know why it was so important to me. Then you came in the room, and you were smiling even though I knew you didn't want to be there, and something in me clicked. I didn't know what it was though. I watched you mingle all night trying to figure it out. But it wasn't until I was leaving the party and you walked me out, with your hand on my back, you leaned in and you kissed me so softly. I just knew. Scared the hell out of me. I'd never felt anything that strong before." Jackie raised her head and looked into Steven's eyes. He looked serious, as he looked deep into her eyes.

Steven leaned in and kissed her just like he had the night of his 18th birthday party, and just like that night, when he pulled back, Jackie's eyes were closed. He'd known that she'd felt something that night. In that kiss she'd felt what he had the night of the veteran's day date.

"Is that what you were smiling about a minute ago?" He asked as her eyes finally opened to look at him, and the same smile graced her features.

"No. I was thinking about dancing with you."

"Valentines day dance?"

Jackie nodded before leaning in to kiss his lips so gently, her hands came up to cup his face and she deepened the kiss. They kissed passionately, their bodies still for the first time since the record started. Hyde's hands ran up and down her back, all over. He couldn't get enough of her. The passion that had always engulfed them was burning strong still and they were in danger of crossing a line. Hyde pulled back to say something, anything, to calm their bodies but Jackie pulled him back in and claimed his lips with a renewed fervour.

Before he knew what was happening, they were in the bedroom, and down to their underwear. He pulled back and looked into her face, her beautiful face.

"Jackie…" His hands wouldn't stop moving, they ran along her back, her arms, anywhere he could reach. "Are you sure about this?" He was trying to be strong. He wanted to do things right. They'd come so far in the last couple of days, he didn't want to ruin it now.

"Steven I love you." She whispered, her eyes begging him to accept her. To kiss the life out of her and take her to bed. She was putting herself on the line and she was praying that he didn't reject her.

"I love you too." He whispered as his lips descended on hers and all thought left his mind. His body left to fend for itself, as he wound himself around the woman he loved.

TBC….

Please review! Pretty please, with a cherry on top?? I'll give you smut in the next chapter!!! ;)


	15. Chapter 14

**_Warning:_** I had to up the rating for this chapter. It's kinda smutty or at least has some serious sexual references in it. So if you're too young or offended easily, maybe you should just wait for the next chapter. Thanks.

**_Chapter 14_**

He lay in bed, his beautiful girlfriend in his arms, and couldn't deny the happiness it brought him. That now familiar warmth engulfing him. A part of him told him it was the midday sun flittering in through the window, but the romantic side of him that Jackie brought out, told him it had everything to do with the tiny brunette and nothing to do with the outside world.

They'd spent the morning making love. A term he never used to even think. Ok, so every once in a while, he'd admit to himself that when he was with Jackie it had less to do with sex and more to do with love. But it wasn't a term he liked to acquaint himself with. At least, it wasn't up until now. Lying there, with her asleep in his arms he couldn't deny it anymore. And he didn't want to. He loved her, totally and completely. More than he ever thought possible. He was watching her sleep for god's sake. Something he'd always thought was the corniest, stupidest, most foreman-like thing to do, in other words… whimpy. Yet here he was, lying in bed, completely awake, watching her sleep. Of course it didn't hurt that she was totally naked, the covers having slipped down to her waist exposing her to his hungry gaze.

As she stirred, he shifted down a little to be eye level with her. Jackie opened her eyes and looked straight into his. She smiled softly as her eyes slipped shut again.

"Hi" She whispered. He'd never realised how much he missed the way she whispered hi to him every morning. It was something so small, but it was theirs, and god how he'd missed it.

"Hi baby." He leaned in and brushed his lips over hers as his hand traced circles on her back. Jackie opened her eyes again.

"How long was I out?" She looked at him guiltily.

"Not long. Hour or so."

"I'm sorry I fell asleep on you." She pouted, and it was a natural, completely unaware pout that was even cuter than the one she used to give him to get her way.

"It's ok. I didn't mind, really. As long as you fell asleep cause you were worn out and not cause I was boring you." He teased with a smirk.

"Trust me, it was the former." She winked at him, becoming aware of her lack of clothing and/or covers but completely ignoring it.

"Good to know." He whispered as he leaned in to kiss her softly.

"Did you sleep at all?" She asked, and he shook his head. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry."

"It's ok. Really. Don't worry…" Hyde rolled them so he was lying above her, gazing down into her face. "I love you." He spoke with a level voice, above the whisper that usually uttered those words, and looked directly into her eyes as he did. Jackie looked deep into his eyes and saw the sincerity that lay within them. She expected to see it though. She'd always seen his love for her in his eyes. He could never hide anything behind them. That's why he always wore those damn sunglasses. And that was the only reason she disliked them so much. What Jackie didn't expect to see, gazing into the incredible blue depths was sorrow. He was still in pain and she didn't know how to help him. How to ease it for him. Because that was what she'd been trying to do through their entire relationship, and she'd never succeeded.

"Baby… Tell me. Tell me, what's bothering you, so I can try to fix it." Tears were welling in her eyes and they didn't go unnoticed by Hyde. He knew why she was crying. She could see into his soul through his eyes, and she'd always felt everything so deeply. No matter how much people liked to believe the shallow act she played, the truth of her soul and her beauty lay in her heart. She hurt deeply, loved deeper and felt the pain of those she loved as if it were her own.

"Nothing's wrong baby." Hyde looked at her beautiful face and saw that she knew better. He'd been holding this in for a long time, and it was time to let it go. With a heavy sigh he looked away from her. It was the touch of her hand to his cheek that brought his eyes back to hers. She was looking at him with so much love and trust that he was floored. He'd been terrified that he'd never see that look in her eyes again. It gave him strength to bear his soul for the first time in his life, to the one person he could trust with such a heavy burden. "I'm afraid."

Jackie was floored by the whispered confession. She'd known Steven for so long, knew him better than anyone, but she never knew him to sound so terrified and vulnerable.

"Afraid of what?" She asked gently, her other hand rasing to cup his face gently. With both her hands, either side of his face, she held his gaze and refused to let him hide by looking away from her.

"Of me…" There was so much pain in his eyes, but he never tried to pull or look away. He was being strong and it was breaking her heart to see him in so much pain. No matter what he'd put her through over the years, she'd never once wished this upon him. This kind of hurt. Her hands caressed his cheeks gently, urging him to continue.

But it wasn't her touch that persuaded him to keep talking. It was the love and faith in her eyes. She'd loved and forgiven him through so much, this admission wouldn't change that. He trusted her completely. And he knew that as truth.

"Of who I am. Who I'm becoming. I'm afraid that I'm more like Edna and bud than I'd like. That I'm going to make the same mistakes they did." He paused. Jackie's hand stroked his cheek gently, in a silent gesture of comfort, helping him find the strength to continue. It was easier to be the tough, silent guy. The open, emotional guy was so much more difficult. To confide the deepest darkest secrets hiding within your soul to someone else took more courage then Hyde had ever realised. And scariest of all, he actually found himself admiring Foreman for his ability to do so with so much ease.

"I'm afraid of never being enough. Of failing. I wasn't enough for my parents and I screwed up with you so much."

"I'm afraid that Edna was right and I'm worthless. That everything everyone has ever said about me is true. That everything that I've ever said about myself is true." He scoffed. It was a coping mechanism. Burn yourself before someone else can. If you're already making the joke, they can't come in a make it. They can't hurt you.

"That I'm not going to be able to give you all the things you want and deserve. But most of all… I'm absolutely terrified of screwing up again and losing you forever." Hyde's eyes closed and he leant his forehead against Jackie. He'd never admitted all of that to anyone before, and it surprised the hell out of him how freeing it was to say it. To get it out there and off his chest.

They lay silent as Jackie's hands fell from his face to travel down his neck and shoulders, around to his chest and down to his waist. Hyde's eyes flew open and he looked up at her when he felt her tiny hand engulf him, as the other held his hip to keep him still. He didn't know what he was expecting her to do, but this was not it.

Hyde looked deep into Jackie's eyes trying to figure out what her motivation was as her hand stroked his body to life.

"Baby…" She whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Hyde gasped as she continued to stroke him.

"I know." Jackie leaned up and brushed Hyde's lips with hers. However, when he tried to deepen the kiss she pulled away. "I trust you. I have faith in you. That has never changed. Not for a second." Jackie moved forward to kiss Hyde's neck. Nibbling on the skin behind his ear as she spoke. "Believe me, I know how hard it is to stop doubting yourself, but you have to. It's one of our biggest problems."

Hyde sought her lips and caught them in a searing kiss before Jackie pulled away abruptly, ending it way to soon for Steven's liking. But as he looked into her eyes, he knew whatever it was she was about to say, she needed to be looking into his as she said it.

"There is only one person for me. Only one person I love and want. Only one person I want to spend the rest of my life with." As she spoke the hand gripping his hip moved up to cup his cheek. "One person I want lying beside me... I want inside of me." She whispered as she guided him inside of her. It was the most erotic thing Hyde had ever heard, he couldn't bite back the moan as she overwhelmed his senses. Their eyes never broke contact as they moaned at the sensations overwhelming their bodies, and neither was yet to move.

"Oh baby…" She moaned, unable to control it as sensation overwhelmed her. " You need to have as much faith in yourself as I do. Know that those things said about you aren't true, that the things you fear aren't true. Know it. Because I could never fall so deeply in love with a man like that." Jackie wrapped her legs around Steven's hips, allowing him to slip deeper inside of her. Again they were forced to groan while looking directly into each other's eyes. It was the most erotic experience either had ever had.

"I love you." Steven whispered before dropping his head to her neck and planting kisses and nibbles as he started to move.

Jackie's arms wrapped around his shoulders, her breathing becoming laboured as they moved together. "I love you too." Jackie gasped. They moved together, as one, toward their ultimate climax, and when Steven raised his head from her shoulder to look in her eyes, Jackie saw something she'd been hoping to see in his eyes since the first moment they met. The pain was easing. The internal struggle was beginning to find a completion. The Steven she feel in love with, was winning the war he found himself entangled in with the part of himself that he'd always feared.

TBC…

Ok, so I had actually intended for this to be a but smuttier... but it just didn't happen. Anyway, I hope you all like it. Next chapters going to go back to the roots of That 70s Show. A lot more teasing and humour, without the cruetly part that was so evident toward the end. Oh yeah and... Please Review:)


	16. Chapter 15

**_Chapter 15_**

* * *

****

The tables had turned as Jackie found herself awake watching Steven sleep. She was so proud of him. She always had been, she hadn't been lying when she told him that. There was never a moment when she wasn't proud of him. As strange as it sounds, she even included the times he was breaking her heart. Because as much as she hated it, he was being a man. He was standing up and taking responsibility for his actions. And she was proud of him for that. Even if it crushed her.

But that wasn't what was on her mind in this moment, as she watched him sleep more soundly than she'd ever seen before. What she was proud of now, was the courage he showed her only a little while ago. Baring his soul for the first time in his life and finally letting himself trust. Not just trust her, but trust, period. It was something that didn't come naturally to him… or to her for that matter… but he'd always found it so much more difficult than she had. They were more alike than either cared to admit. They were both the kids from crappy families in desperate need of love. The only difference was the way in which they reacted to it. She really did understand him. And he knew it. Because he understood her too.

He looked different when he slept. There was a childlike innocence about him, even when he was completely naked and still slightly slick with sweat. She couldn't help but smile as she watched him. They were going to have to return to the real world soon and she couldn't think of anything worse. She loved the little bubble they'd built around each other over the last couple of days, and she hated to think that it could be burst.

She hadn't realised she was raising her hand, until she felt the stubble from his day old beard against her hand as she stroked his face. The novelty hadn't worn off yet, it still amazed her that he was here. In her arms, in their bed, back in her life. It could have turned out so differently. The way it was heading it could have been so much worse and she shuddered at the thought. The tremble running through her body touching his must have startled him, because the next thing his eyes were blinking open and staring into hers.

"Hey… watching me sleep?" He asked groggily as his mind returned to the consciousness.

"Yeah. Couldn't sleep and I don't get to do it very often." Jackie propped herself up on one elbow to look down at Hyde.

"What do you think?" He asked reaching up to stroke his hand up and down the length of her arm.

"I like it better when you're awake with me, but…. It's no worse than bowling." Jackie smiled. She'd missed this. They had playfully teased each other at one time. But only when they were alone. As soon as the outside world entered theirs, his teasing would take on a more cruel tone. And it lost all fun for Jackie.

"Well… I don't hate bowling." Hyde smiled back at her.

"Neither do I..." She smiled at their banter. "I think we're going to have to re-enact that date one day though… I don't like how it ended."

"I think we might just have to…." His voice trailed off as she leaned down to rest her head against his chest. Her hand traced circles on his chest as his ran up and down the length of her back. There was a peaceful silence between them. They were completely comfortable in each other's arms, in each other's presence, with no need for inane conversation. They could just be with each other.

They still had a long way to go. A lot of old hurts to overcome... but maybe, just maybe, they could survive the questions, the discussions, the arguments, and still be able to lie together like this. To love each other without any walls, or any doubt. In fact, right now, Hyde couldn't imagine any other possibilities. And so, with contentment surrounding him, and Jackie in his arms, he decided it was the perfect time to work on some more issues. There would be plenty more opportunities to be together just like this, he didn't need to fear ruining the moment. He could always talk to her. He could always tell her what was bothering him and trust that she would be able to offer him comfort.

"Why'd you want to marry Kelso all those times?" It was an issue they'd skirted around for so long. They'd discussed so much. Been through so much. But they'd never faced her marriage issues. They'd never really talked about this one factor of her insecurity that loomed over their heads. But now, after everything, and laying her with her, he finally felt safe enough to ask her.

Steven heard her sigh as she took the time to really think about his question. To not blurt out the old familiar answer she'd plied everyone with for years but to allow her mind the time to sum up the truth of her heart.

"Fear." Her voice was soft but steady as she spoke. "Stability, as crazy as that sounds. But with Michael I knew that no matter how many times he cheated on me he'd never leave me. He'd always love me and want to be with me, he needed me, and I needed him to need me. I was terrified of being left alone." Her admission was not a simple task to ask of her. It was something she'd buried for so long, and it didn't go unnoticed to him that she'd given it to him so freely. It meant more than any outsider could understand and more than he could ever express, that she trust him so deeply.

"And why do you want to marry me?" This was the question he was most afraid of the answer. He wanted to know, he needed to know, but a part of him still clung desperately to the bliss of ignorance. However Hyde had learnt a long time ago, and mostly through mistakes that had horrible consequences, that ignorance was definitely not bliss… not where Jackie and her heart were concerned.

"Well that's still up for debate." There was a joke in her voice as she attempted to lighten the mood and ultimately dodge the question. But Hyde wasn't having it.

"Jacks." He tried to ignore the pleading note he heard in his own voice.

"Ok." Jackie sighed as she paused; this moment was not to consider her answer or her words carefully… but for courage. Courage to answer truthfully, she'd come this far. "That's for an even crazier reason… because I'm in love with you."

TBC…

_A short one, I know, I'm sorry. But it's been so long between posts I wanted to offer something up. Sorry it took so long; this fic has not been abandoned. It will be finished!!!_


	17. Chapter 16

**_Chapter 16_**

"That's for an even crazier reason… because I'm in love with you."

---

Hyde looked at her with complete awe. There was no falsity in Jackie's eyes, there was no hesitation. Her words were strong with conviction and yet a hint of wonder traced them. That even she couldn't believe that she was capable of finding someone she wanted to be with for the simple reason that she couldn't imagine being without them. Jackie had longed for it, but never dared to let herself believe it an attainable goal.

"Don't think that I want you to propose to me though." Jackie stated suddenly, breaking the silence that had engulfed them in the shock of the moment. Hyde couldn't help but laugh at the look on her face or the speed in which the statement was made. The words had rushed out of her as quickly as the look of horror had appeared on her face.

"And that leads me to my next question." His voice was light but there was something in the air that led her to believe that the question to follow was not. "Why don't you want to marry me anymore?"

Jackie felt her heart crumble at his words. She never thought that he could possibly believe that after everything she didn't want him. But here he was, stating just that. She felt terrible, and even worse that a part of her was just a little bit pleased. It was the vindictive part of her that she always tried to keep quiet, and over the years she had become more and more successful at ignoring it and drowning it out. But nevertheless, it was still there, and it screamed for vengeance. It was the part of her that wanted him to hurt for all the hurt he'd caused her. And that made her heart break even more.

"I do want to marry you Steven. But I don't want to marry Hyde. Does that make sense?" Her eyes begged him to understand, to not get angry and pull away, but take the time to listen, to hear, to understand.

"Not really, no." His reply was said with a smile and she knew her pleas had been answered.

"I want to marry the man I know you are, but I don't want any part of the boy that existed. The boy who could and would break my heart so freely. The man I know, the man I love, he can't and he wouldn't. I need to know that the boy is gone. He's grown up into the man… And I do know you have grown up Steven, but I still need time. We're doing really well, but neither of us is ready for marriage and I don't want to lose you because we jumped into something that we weren't prepared for… does that make sense?"

"More than you know." He really was amazed by her. The way she could look at him with such love in her eyes. How she could say something so unbelievably smart and surprise him. How she could stand up to him and not back down for a second. How she could look at him with a plea in her eyes that begged him to love her, when he already did with all he had in himself. And her unwavering belief in him. It was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. He used to think that it could and would break him, but the more he experienced it, the stronger her felt. He suddenly realized that he now understood that saying, "Behind every good man is a great woman". There really was no ego boost that compared to the woman you loved seeing you as a great man.

"We'll know when we're ready." She smiled and he couldn't help but smile back at her. He nodded softly before leaning in and capturing her lips in a delicate kiss.

---

They'd been in California for a few weeks. Jackie and Hyde had basically experienced the best and the worst moments of their relationship in those weeks. All the pain, all the passion, all the fun, the love, it had all been dragged back into the present in the name of healing. They'd proven to each other how committed they both were to making their relationship work. They'd put the past behind them, and moved forward to the future, which ironically enough, meant living in the moment. Jackie had stopped pushing, and Hyde had stopping pulling away. It wasn't easy, by any accounts, and they'd basically had to lock themselves away from the rest of the world to do it. But it was over, the hard part was over.

Jackie's heart was mended, and Hyde's fear was quashed. But there was still something lingering between them. Something that hadn't been said; hadn't been done, to really close the door on all that had been and open the window to all that could be. They both could feel it, but they couldn't name it. They couldn't fix this problem, because they couldn't quite identify it yet. Progress in their relationship and themselves meant they had at least discussed the feeling, but they were no closer to identifying the problem.

Jackie had started working at the studio and every night when the news came on, Hyde watched from the kitchen as he made dinner. Hyde spent his mornings at the new Grooves store he was opening, supervising building work as the shop was being outfitted and his afternoons at the dining table in their apartment flicking through papers and catalogues. He was really good at this - this whole businessman thing and the best part was Jackie's reaction to it. She'd always loved him in business mode and he finally understood why. It had never been the money that got her hot, it was about security. It was Hyde standing up and taking responsibility for his life, succeeding in something he was good at and something she knew he could and would love doing. She was always so proud of him.

Jackie had totally taken to her role of newswoman and co-anchor on the local news. Hyde teased her regularly that soon she would knock the blockhead who sat beside her off the bench and run the whole thing herself. She had a flare for this. She was beautiful, always had been, and it helped, there was no denying that. People started to tune in more regularly to see the beautiful brunette with the beaming smile light up their screens until they'd become the highest rated news program in California. What kept them watching, what kept her show at the top, was simply the fact that she was so good at her job. Her face may have drawn them in, but it was the whole package that kept them there. Watching her succeed opened Hyde's eyes. It helped him understand that little bit more why she'd always wanted him to succeed. It was intoxicating watching the person you loved doing so well and having so much fun doing it.

They called everyone back in Point Place once a week, and though neither of them said it, they both missed the tiny town… just a little bit. Red was always Red, reliable and honest to a terrifying degree. And Kitty would spend 10 minutes of every call begging them to come home. Donna would ask every week, just once when they were coming home and Fez would plead a little. It was comforting knowing that they were wanted there. WB told Hyde every week how proud of him he was and it surprised Hyde how much his heart swelled with the words. But what surprised him most was how much he loved knowing that he would go to sleep and wake up beside Jackie everyday. He wanted to marry her. He knew it without a single doubt. Someone had once said in some cheesy movie that if you could picture growing old with someone but couldn't imagine growing old without them, then that was the person you were meant to be with so hurry up and marry them! He'd always scoffed at the idea, but lately he'd found himself sitting quietly, watching her and imagining children and grandchildren. He could see her face wrinkled in his mind's eye and couldn't quite believe that she still managed to be absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. He never thought he could feel this way, but now that he did he didn't want to wait anymore. He wanted to introduce her as his wife. He wanted to be introduced as her husband.

Christmas fast approached and they made plans to go back to Point Place for the first time since the move. Jackie was nervous. Hyde was aware, though she denied it furiously. Most shockingly however was that he knew why. She was afraid that the peace they'd found together in San Francisco would be broken in the reality of Point Place. Back in the world where there had been so much pain, she was afraid they wouldn't withstand the harshness of it. But Hyde wasn't. He wasn't afraid of anything anymore, not with her, the only thing that frightened him now was something taking her away from him. But it was no longer Kelso, or fame, or any of those trivial things that he'd allowed to hurt them in the past. It was natural things he feared - accidents, illness, death. The fears of a man in love with a woman without any pretences or falsities.

She laughed at him when he'd admitted that late one night as they lay in bed. She'd told him that what he was feeling was normal, and welcome to the real world. He'd laughed with her as they'd talked for over an hour about big bad Hyde's decent into life. She'd pointed out to him that night that he hadn't 'smoked' the whole time they'd been in San Francisco and he was the one who did the surprising when he'd admitted to her that it had been a conscious decision. A man didn't spend his life high, watching as it passed him by. A man stood up with a clear mind and lived his life. She'd cried then, and he held her. He hadn't known that it was so important to her to hear that. What he'd failed to mention was that he would have given up anything for her; all she had to do was ask. And what she'd failed to reply was that she knew that, and she would do the same for him.

---

Jackie's last broadcast before Christmas was December 23rd. And as soon as she was off the air, she was out of her seat and heading towards the exit. Hyde had a cab waiting for them outside the studio, their packed suitcases in the trunk. They headed straight for the airport and Point Place.

TBC…

_Author's Note:_

Ok so it's taking me awhile to finish this story. But once again I want to reassure everyone who's been following this fic that I have NOT abandoned it. I will finish it. In fact, we're almost there. So please, hang in there. Don't hate me too much for the lengthy delays between posts. RL has this nasty habit of demanding my attention. Thanks for reading, and I can't wait to read everyone's thoughts. So please review! And stay tuned… the end is near!!! Xx Ally


	18. Chapter 17

**_Chapter 17_**

The yellow cab pulled up to the curb outside the Foreman house and an overwhelming since of reluctance engulfed Jackie. She stared at the familiar house that had been like a second home to her through most of her teenage years and couldn't deny that she was afraid. She was afraid of the bad times that had happened in this town, and in that house, were somehow going to magically gain physical form and ruin tear her life apart. She knew it was irrational but try as she might, she couldn't rationalise the fear away.

She'd been so lost in her thoughts, staring at the house, that she hadn't noticed Steven exit the car and walk around to open her door for her. She couldn't help but smile, little gestures like that had become frequent, and she loved it. It wasn't so much the physical act, but the emotion behind it. He thought of her now. And knowing that made her heart swell. She couldn't revel in the moment however as the front door swung open and Kitty came bolting toward them giggling. The sound, that had been denied them so long, was like music to their ears and both Jackie and Steven smiled readily at their second mother.

Kitty ran straight into Steven's arms, engulfing the young man in a powerful hug. Once he would have shied away from the attention, trying to push Kitty away, no matter how much he actually craved her 'motherly' love. Jackie wasn't at all surprised to see that he was hugging her back instead. Red appeared in the door way hollering for Kitty to 'let the poor boy go, he needs to breathe' and a second later Jackie found herself locked in Kitty's embrace.

"I missed you both so much." Kitty whispered to Jackie as she tightened her arms around the tiny girl. Jackie closed her eyes against the sudden rush of emotion at Kitty's words. She'd been in such a bad place the last time she'd been here that she thought that no one cared about her. Hearing those words let Jackie know once and for all, that her greatest insecurity was completely false. She is wanted and she is loved. She would never say the words aloud, the corniness of them to embarrassing to ever be uttered, but Kitty had just given her the greatest Christmas present on the side of the street, in the freezing snow, on the 23rd of December 1979.

---

It was strange and yet completely natural how they'd settled back into the comfortable rhythm of life in Point Place. Jackie and Hyde had both been pleasantly surprised when Kitty had announced that she had Laurie's room all ready for them. They assumed that Hyde would be back in the basement and Jackie across at Donna's house as Kitty had only ever let married people sleep in the same room in her house. The shock must have registered on their faces because she simply smiled and took Jackie's hand before telling Steven to take their bags upstairs so Jackie could tell her all about life in San Francisco. That woman never ceased to amaze them both.

But what Jackie found most amusing and yet puzzling at the same time, was how comfortable she felt sitting at the kitchen table with Kitty and Donna, hot cocoa in hand and chatting like she'd never left, and life for all of them hadn't been so alien for the last 6 months. She looked at the women sitting across and next to her and smiled knowing that they all sat together as equals. As women, not girls; as friends, not acquaintances; as family. The kind of family Jackie had always longed for. She could imagine spending every 23rd of December from here on out just like this, cocoa in hand, her family by her side and the boys downstairs in the basement.

When Donna excused herself to head home before the snowfall worsened, Jackie helped Kitty clean up the mess they'd made and head toward the stairs. She opened the door and paused as she heard the voices drift up the stairs from the basement.

"So you and Jackie again, huh?" Michael's unmistakable voice reached Jackie's ears and she couldn't help but shake her head at the smirk she could hear in it.

"Yeah man. It's great." Steven replied and Jackie smiled to herself. It was great, it was then better than great.

"I can't believe it. I just, I just can't believe it." Eric mumbled and Jackie rolled her eyes before stifling a laugh at the familiar, unintentional reaction she still had to anything Eric Forman said.

"Cut it out Forman." Steven replied, his voice tight.

"It's just. It's Jackie man. I thought you were finally free of the midget devil and you get yourself hooked again."

"Shut up." Steven yelled at Eric and Jackie felt herself start at the outburst. "You gotta cut this shit out man. I mean it. You can't be going around calling Jackie the devil when we're married or I'm going to have to kick your ass."

As shocked as Jackie was at Steven's words, she couldn't help but hold her head up high. He was defending her; he was standing up for her and refusing to let anyone put her down.

"You asked her to marry you?" Eric asked and the disbelief was evident in his voice.

"Not yet. She'd kick my ass if I did." Jackie could hear the smile in Steven's voice. "But I'm going to. When the time's right. I already know that I want to be with her and only her for as long as I can. As corny as it sounds, I want her to have my name and to be able to call her my wife. It's just… we've been through so much… it's not right just yet."

Jackie didn't think she could love him more than she already did, but in that moment she found herself falling in love with Steven Hyde all over again.

She made a big show of closing the door and stepping, with as much noise as she could muster, down the stairs towards the boys. She smiled as she looked around the room. Eric, Michael, Fez and Steven all sat in their usual seats like a year hadn't gone by since they'd last been together like that. She moved toward Steven and sat in his lap.

Jackie reached up and framed Steven's face with her hands, leaning in she kissed him deeply yet softly.

"What was that for?" Steven asked smiling when she pulled away. Jackie shook her head gently as she looked into his eyes.

"Nothing." She hadn't meant to whisper, but the word had been barely that. Steven smiled and kissed her forehead tenderly before she relaxed back in his arms and the conversation around her turned all too familiar, and she lost herself in the comfort of being home, with her man.

---

_Author's Note:_

Not as long as I thought it would be, but I'd said everything I wanted to. Next chapter should be up soon. I'm hell bent on finishing this story… Especially since there's only approximately 2 chapters to go. Please review, I crave it like a drug. : )

Thanks everyone.


	19. Chapter 18

_**Chapter 18**_

It was amazing how easily they fit back into Point Place. Almost as if they had never left at all. But rather than being happy about it, Jackie felt trepidation. If they could fall back into life in Point Place with so much ease, could they fall back into old habits and ruin all the progress they'd made? Would their hard work have been for nothing, and the chance she had taken leave her broken hearted? It was early morning Christmas Eve that Jackie lay awake in Laurie's old room pondering these exact questions. Steven lay sleeping beside her, like the rest of the occupants of the house and she dare not move for fear of waking him. The mere fact that these questions were running through her mind terrified her. She knew what they meant, what they could mean for them, and she was ashamed.

She still doubted the strength of their relationship, she still doubted him. She hated to admit it, but it was true, and it was the last thing that was holding her back, holding them both back from moving on with their lives together. It was that last issue that she had felt lingering between them for so long but hadn't been able to identify up until now.

She was berating herself silently as the sun began to stream in through the curtains. She knew he'd grown up, she'd heard evidence of it just the day before. But a part of her still screamed that Steven Hyde had not let go of the boy in the basement quite yet.

"Mmm, morning baby." Steven mumbled beside her and she almost jumped at the sudden sound in the otherwise silent room.

"Morning." She replied with a voice hoarse from lack of use.

"How long have you been awake?" He asked as he propped himself up to look down into her eyes.

"I don't know… a while." She smiled sweetly at him determined to hide the weight of her thoughts from him. It was Christmas Eve and she didn't want to drudge up old hurts for new fights now. He looked at her strangely and she swore for a moment that he knew she was being evasive, but Steven merely smiled a moment later and kissed her gently before getting up and heading into the bathroom.

She wanted to let it go. But she needed something to help her release it. Something she couldn't identify, and she was still afraid that whatever it was, she would never get it.

--

Breakfast passed in a whirl of laughter and questions. Mostly from Kitty asking them in more ways than Jackie thought possible, when they were going to get married, start a family and move back to Point Place. Each question was successfully dodged with a well placed laugh or off the cuff sarcastic remark. However the last one, regarding the length of their stay in San Francisco, had left them on the spot, suddenly void of any way of dancing around the question. Never did Jackie ever think she would be so happy to see Fez and Kelso. Their arrival could not have been timed better if they'd planned it. They burst into the room in a wild flurry disrupting all conversation and removing all eyes from her and Steven.

"Ok so since its Christmas Eve and everyone's together again, we have to do it. It's tradition." Kelso said with enthusiasm, his hands gesturing wildly in his excitement. It wasn't rare that Jackie would be left utterly confused after Michael Kelso spoke, it really was hard to follow him sometimes, but this comment seemed even more mental than normal. She turned to Donna with questioning eyes but only received a confused shrug in return. She was no help.

"Kelso, don't you think we're a little old for that now?" Eric piped up, always the wet blanket to Michael's schemes.

"No Eric! It may be the last time we can do it. We have to. It's tradition." He whined.

"All right I'm in." And just that quickly Eric caved.

"What the hell are you numb skulls talking about?" Donna finally spoke up and asked the very question that had been burning in Jackie.

"TP-ing the principle's house. We've done it every Christmas eve since junior high." Hyde stated simply. Jackie merely shook her head at the stupid childish games these boys refused to let go of. There was something sweet about it, she had to admit.

"So come on Hyde, are you up for it?" Eric asked with a challenging smirk.

"I don't know man." Hyde shook his head at his best friend surprising Jackie just a little bit.

"What, do you have to ask permission?" Kelso asked with his usual stupid smirk and bumbling manner.

"No, I don't have to ask permission… but I'm going to" Hyde smirked at the shock on their friends faces before turning to his girlfriend. "Jackie do you mind?" He asked softly as he looked into her eyes, seeing only her and ignoring all the attention they were receiving from the curious onlookers.

"Go ahead." She smiled softly before he kissed her gently and stood, leaving with the boys and leaving her with a stunned Donna. She would explain to her later as they walked around the Point Place mall looking for the last of their Christmas gifts that the mere fact that he wanted to ask her, was an improvement. And after all it was only a childish prank that would allow her love and his friends to enjoy one day of fun and debauchery at Christmas. She explained to her, that sometimes, a woman has to pick her battles.

--

Christmas Eve was drawing to a close; the sun long since vanished from the sky as the starry night took the light under its blanket of darkness. The Foreman's and their extended family of misfits had enjoyed a beautiful dinner, as Christmas day meant they would be split up as Kelso went to have dinner with his family and his daughter and Fez joined them. The Pinciotti's and the Foreman's, along with one Hyde and one Burkhart would be spending the day together, but they all considered this meal their family meal. They sat together in the living room exchanging gifts and laughing as they recounted fond memories of the past. It was a light hearted mood that fell among them as Jackie found herself by the bar pouring herself a drink in the presence of one Michael Kelso, and Steven no where to be seen. Immediately Jackie's defences went up and she became ultra aware of everything she did and the distance between herself and Michael.

"Michael? Is there something I can do for you?" Jackie asked without looking up from the drink she was pouring.

"I need to talk to you"

As soon as the words left his mouth Jackie tensed. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"No, please just listen." Michael's voice was urgent but she'd had enough of bowing to Michael Kelso's wishes. They only seemed to get her into trouble anyway.

"No you listen, Michael. Steven and I are actually doing really good. We're talking and building a relationship. You know how he feels about us talking and you being here can only be bad. There is no good that can come of it. Steven trusts me now, but he's not strong enough yet to have you and me conversing." She tried to lay it all out on the table gently yet forcefully but she knew him so well, he wasn't going to let it go that easily.

"No but that's why I want to talk to you." He tried to plead and the part of her that always hated to hear anyone plead responded.

"What?"

"Hyde and I talked today."

"Ok. Why are you telling me this?"

"Because he told me to talk to you."

"What?" Now she was just confused.

"We talked about you and him, and you and me, and he told me to talk to you. To have a conversation."

Jackie's stomach dropped. Michael was in front of her wanting to talk and Steven was no where to be found. "Oh god. Why? What's going on? He hasn't freaked out again has he?" Her voice as urgent as the words rushed from her mouth.

"No, no Jackie calm down. Just listen to me ok?" Michael said his hands rising in an attempt to defuse the situation.

"Ok" Jackie answered warily as she took a deep breath in and out.

"Alright. So Hyde and I talked. And he told me how great you two were doing."

"Yeah?"

"And then he hit me."

"What?" Jackie had to hold back the smile that wanted to light up her face so badly. Especially as her eyes found the darkness that was beginning to form around his left eye. Funny how she hadn't really noticed it until now.

"He said he stood by and watched me hurt you for years and never did anything. That I had that coming for everything I put you through and for all the times I tried to get between you two."

"Yeah" Jackie nodded as she listened intently.

"And he told me to go home and look at Betsy and think, really think about our relationship and see if there was anything that I had to say to you."

"And?"

"He was right. There is something that I have to say to you."

"What's that Michael?" Jackie asked as she prepared herself for some cheap come on.

"I'm sorry."

It wasn't what she expected but it wasn't unfamiliar either. "You've said that already, many times actually."

"Yeah, but I mean it this time. No sad face, no stuffed unicorns, no shiny presents or declarations of love to try and make you happy and stop yelling. This time I mean it. I'm sorry and I'm asking for your forgiveness."

"Michael, my forgiveness for what?" He actually did seem sincere which was more of a shock than the mature way in which he was speaking to her.

"Everything. For all the times I didn't think of you. For all the times I hurt you, whether it was when I picked my friends over you, cheated, or tried to sabotage you and Hyde. I never stopped to think about how any of my actions affected you. I was selfish and ignorant and I'm sorry."

"Thank you Michael." She'd wanted to hear that from him for a long time, and she was glad that she'd finally heard it, but it didn't hold the same weight that it once had.

"Do you forgive me? I really want us to be friends Jackie. I want you to be happy."

"I forgave you for the cheating along time ago… but everything you did to Steven and I, that ones a little harder to forgive. But Michael… I do, I forgive you. But on one condition."

"What's that?"

"Don't ever do it again." Her face was the picture of seriousness. There was no mistaking what would happen if he messed with her life for his own amusement again.

"I promise." The sincerity in his voice was enough to convince her that his intentions this evening had been honourable and the days of Michael's clumsy come ons and stupid advances were over.

"Ok… And Michael. What was that about Betsy?'

"Oh, Hyde wanted me to look at her and imagine she was you."

Jackie was taken aback. "That's a little sick Michael."

"No. To look at it from an outsiders perspective. To look at our relationship with fresh eyes and see how I would like someone treating Betsy the way I treated you."

"Oh." She nodded. Her man was smart.

"Yeah. I didn't like it."

"Yeah." Jackie looked over to the swinging door that separated the kitchen and the living room as Steven entered the room. She looked into his eyes and knew that his sudden disappearance moments ago had not been so sudden, but carefully planned. She smiled softly at him before turning back to Michael at the sound of his voice.

"Hyde's different by the way."

"What do you mean?" Jackie asked looking up into his face, no longer on edge at talking to her ex-boyfriend.

"We kinda poke fun at him, you know like we normally do, and he doesn't tell us to shut it or anything. Like, we say something about you and him sitting in a tree and he just smiles. He'll say something about how he can't screw this up again and when we all say 'awww' he just smiles this strange smile and looks distant. It's strange… it's like he's lost something, like he's not so…"

"Zen." Jackie input smiling that Michael Kelso had actually noticed something very astute.

"Yeah… It's good actually."

"Yeah." She just smiled at him and bowed her head. For the first time in a long time, Jackie's mind was free of distressing thoughts, and suddenly her heart felt lighter. What she had been afraid of this morning didn't seem so terrifying under these new revelations.

"He's got the Camino all packed up. You know?"

"Yeah?" She asked in surprise. Jackie realised then that this was the kind of sign she had been waiting for. The last thing that let her know that Steven had grown up and left Hyde behind. His Camino was so important to him, bringing it to San Francisco meant everything. Something that would seem so trivial to anyone else meant the world to her.

"We're never going to see you two again, are we? This is it. You're really gone." The sadness in his voice was undeniable.

"Michael. I don't believe that for a second. The Foreman's will hold us all together. They're our family. You'll definitely see us again." She tried to reassure him. She didn't know why she needed or wanted to. But she had a feeling that if she didn't she would regret it somewhere down the line.

"Sure… at first."

"Always. We're all one big family Michael. You, Brooke, Betsy, Fez, Donna, Eric, Bob, The Foreman's, Steven and I. Nothing will ever change that."

"Can we come see you?"

"Of course." She smiled as he turned to walk away, but he paused two steps from her and turned back.

"Jackie?"

"Yes Michael."

"Good Luck."

"Thank you… Kelso."

TBC…


	20. Chapter 19

_**A/N: Ok, so after a very, very extended hiatus, I'm finally back and hell bent on finishing this fic. Afterall, i'm only about two or three chapters off completion and I really feel I owe it not only to myself but to all the wonderful people who've been following this fic and reviewing and adding it to their faves list to finish it once and for all. I need to give Jackie and Hyde the ending they deserve. For everyone's sake. So I hope you like this chapter. I can't wait to hear from you all again. And you have my word, I will post the last chapter of this fic by the beginning of April (maybe sooner). Hold on guys. I'm back and we're almost there. =]**_

_**Chapter 19**_

After her little talk with Kelso, Jackie was feeling lighter. Like a weight she had been carrying around for the last few years was suddenly lessened. She walked over to Hyde and kissed him gently on the lips.

"You did that." It was a statement, not a question but he answered anyway.

"Yeah" His voice was bashful and he dropped his gaze for a second before capturing her eyes. "He needed to understand. We needed him to understand." He looked at her with meaning deep in his eyes and she realised that he'd known what was going on with her the last couple of days all along. Known what her fears were and had come up with a way to try to ease them. He'd known what was going on and what needed to be done. It was a huge step.

"How'd you get so smart?" She smiled at him as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I don't know. It must be rubbing off from you or something." He smiled before capturing her lips in a gentle kiss.

They were interrupted by the whirlwind that was Kitty as she came tearing in the living room from the kitchen.

"Ok everybody. It's 11 o'clock and it's time to get ready for the midnight services at church. We don't want to be late now." There were the all too familiar groans from Eric and Red, but Hyde hadn't joined in. He knew that she'd always loved the midnight service and he was going to join her for the first time this year. He was actually looking forward to it.

As they arrived at the church Jackie couldn't help the smile from lighting up her face. There was candlelight seemingly everywhere, and a choir singing in harmony; wearing beautiful white robes up the front of the church to the left of the altar. On the right there was a true life representation of the first Christmas complete with a slightly squirming but fast asleep baby in a small cradle. Jackie thought she recognised Joseph but couldn't quite place the man with his head bowed. As they took their seats Jackie turned to Hyde.

"Is it just me or is Joseph really familiar?"

Hyde looked up to the manger scene and his eyes widened.

"That's Leo. Oh my god. I can't believe it. I haven't seen him in months."

Jackie looked up at Steven's smiling face and couldn't help but be in awe of him. He didn't realise his own capability to love. To recognise a deeply buried goodness inside of someone and ignore the exterior that was hell bent on hiding it from the world.

"We should hang back after services and talk to him." She whispered and smiled as he took her hand interlacing their fingers together.

Mass passed quickly, every moment just as Jackie remembered. She was glowing by the end of it and Hyde could have sworn he saw just a hint of a tear in her eyes. She really did love the Christmas service. The carols, the candlelight, the smiling faces and the peace and love that always electrified the air around them. It always lifted her heart.

As the throngs of people stood to leave the church, Hyde and Jackie stayed behind listening as everyone wished each other a Merry Christmas. There was something to be said for the closeness of a small town. Especially at Christmas. As the church cleared out Steven stood and headed to the front of the church. The mother of the baby 'Jesus' was carefully lifting the sleeping baby to her chest and Jackie couldn't help but take note of the beautiful scene. She smiled despite herself. She wanted to be that woman someday.

"Leo?" Steven's voice brought Jackie out of her baby haze and she turned toward the 'holy family'. Leo raised his head and the smile that lit his face was a sight to behold.

"Hyde. Man, is that you?" The old hippie's voice was exactly the same and as he stood there Jackie couldn't help but think that some things never changed. And maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

"Yeah man. It's me." Hyde's voice was full of awe at seeing his old friend again.

"Woah. I missed ya man. Where've you been?" Leo stepped forward and hugged Steven.

"San Francisco."

"What ya been doing there?" Leo didn't seem at all surprised at the answer, just curious.

"I've been with my girl." The pride in Steven's voice was unmistakable.

"Jackie?"

"Yeah man."

"Oh good man. I'm glad you're back with her man. She's a good girl." Leo had spoken with such conviction and it touched Jackie to know that she had always had an ally in this smelly, dirty old hippie. Well wonders would never cease.

"Thank you Leo." Jackie spoke up for the first time and she realised that she'd startled him slightly.

"Oh hey Jackie, I didn't see you there. Merry Christmas hey."

"Merry Christmas Leo" Jackie smiled before reaching up and giving him a quick peck on the cheek. She couldn't help but note the shock and then the smile that lit his face at such a small gesture from her. She turned to Steven and whispered to him. "I'm going to go tell Red and Kitty you'll just be a minute."

He looked at her gratefully. "Ok. Thanks."

When Hyde appeared a few minutes later Jackie couldn't help but burst with pride and happiness at the joy that was written all over his face. His step was a little lighter and it was then that she realised that Steven had been worried about Leo. Not consciously but there had been a part of him that he couldn't quite hear as it told him to find Leo and make sure he was ok.

"You ready to go?" She asked gently as she took the hand he offered. He looked to the ground for a moment before taking a look around the familiar little town.

"Yeah… I am." He barely whispered but there was heaviness in his words. Somehow, Jackie didn't think he meant church. In that moment Steven Hyde said goodbye to Point Place. To tp-ing the Principle's house. To the circle in the Foreman's basement. To the childish pranks and the delinquent behaviour. Hyde said goodbye and it was Steven that walked with her now.

TBC…

Please review! Let me know that you're all still out there and reading. xx


	21. Chapter 20

_**Chapter 20**_

She awoke on Christmas morning with a clear mind and a light heart. It wasn't the first them in the last 6 months, but it was the first time that the nagging voice of doubt stayed quiet and didn't rear it's ugly head as soon as the light from the windows poured in and penetrated her vision. Jackie turned to Steven expecting to see him sleeping peacefully beside her but instead found smiling eyes staring directly into hers.

"Merry Christmas baby." He whispered before leaning in to capture her lips in a deep kiss. As he pulled away Jackie couldn't help but think that this was how to she wanted to wake up every morning.

"Merry Christmas." She whispered back as she reached up and smoothed her hand across is prickly cheek. "I suppose we should head downstairs right about now huh?"

"We got up just now and went down. It's fine." He smiled as he teased playfully. They could afford a few minutes to steal away for themselves. The foreman's would understand if they lingered a little longer in bed this morning. Besides, his hand running up and down her back beneath her shirt was just too good to pull away from just yet.

After a rather modest breakfast as far as Kitty Foreman was concerned the family gathered for what she feared would be the last time under their brightly shining Christmas tree. Breath was bated. Smiles were shining brightly as her family anticipated what was underneath the bright paper and bows. But they had to wait just a little longer. There was someone missing and with the ring of the doorbell, that last person was there. Steven jumped up to answer the door and greeted his father with a rather manly hug that Kitty couldn't help but smile discreetly at. She'd never tire of the pretenses men insisted on keeping up. But she had to admit, she was quietly curious as Steven gestured for his father to follow him into the den before shouting over his shoulder to the rest of the family that they'd just be a minute and not to start without them. Well of course that was ridiculous, they wouldn't start without them. Not one single present was ever opened in the Forman house before everyone was present. It was tradition, and if it were to be the last time they were all together like this she'd be damned if she'd allow it to be broken today. Especially on Christmas, some traditions are just meant to be kept.

Jackie watched as Steven and his father headed over to the rest of the family all seated under the big Christmas tree. She was more than a little curious as to what the little father/son chat had been about, but the beauty of maturity is that she could now wait until Steven was ready and willing to tell her. Gone were the days of trying to drag everything in his head out of him. There was no need anymore. When he was ready, he would tell her everything. She knew that. She trusted that. So she could sit and watch as everyone opened their presents without thinking twice about it.

However when everyone had opened their sweaters and cassette tapes and the envelopes of cash from D.B, Jackie couldn't help but notice a small flat box that lay discreetly nestled under the tree. Pristine white with a deep red bow, it was so beautiful in its simplicity that she found herself falling back on old habits slightly as she was just slightly jealous of the person who was to receive such a beautifully wrapped gift.

To say she was surprised when she saw Steven's hand reach under the tree and pull it out would mean she was blown away as he handed it to her with a soft smile and a whispered Merry Christmas.

She took it with shaking hands and slowly, carefully lifted the lid. Jackie was aware of the eyes that were all focused on her but her gaze stayed fixated on the box in her lap. She was slightly confused as she found an envelope inside. But with bated breath she lifted it out, being careful to place the box somewhere it would be safe, she would keep that box forever. As her finger slipped inside the envelope and carefully tore the end, she gasped at the single photograph that peaked out.

Lifting it out and up to her gaze Jackie wasn't quite sure what she was looking at. She stared at it wordlessly trying to determine what this meant. Why Steven would give her a photograph of a beautiful house by the water in what was clearly San Francisco Bay.

"Do you like it?" He whispered and she could hear the trepidation in his voice.

"It's beautiful. But I don't understand." She kept her eyes on the photograph. It really was a beautiful house.

"It's ours. If you want it." The smile on his face was evident in his voice.

"But…" She couldn't pick between all the thoughts that were swirling around her mind so she grabbed the first one she could. "What about your job?"

"That's what I just talked to D.B about. I'm going to head up the California branch, from San Francisco." His words finally drew her eyes from the photograph to his face and he couldn't help but smile at the awe in her eyes. But there was still a question lingering there.

"What about Point Place?" This time it was her voice that was filled with trepidation and fear. This was the ultimate obstacle for them. Could Steven really leave it all behind? Could he really, once and for all, say goodbye to Hyde and live his life with her, free from all the bullshit? This was the final step. The little nagging doubt that they both could feel still lingering between them but couldn't name until now. It all came down to this. To this moment. To the answer to this question.

"Your future is in San Francisco. And my future is with you. Point Place is not going anywhere, we can always come back for the holidays. Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July." He gave her the only answer he could. The truth. He would leave it all behind and never look back. If she wanted to he would never come back to this little town again, but he knew she would never ask that of him. He knew that she would never ask that of herself. This little town meant more to them than either would care to admit, but if they were going to have a future together than they were going to have to leave Point Place.

"You're serious? You're sure?" She had to know that he understood just what he was saying. She could see in his eyes that he did. But she needed to hear it.

"Absolutely." Steven smiled at Jackie as the question left her eyes and was left with only awe. She was so beautiful and she was looking at him like he held the world. He couldn't help but wonder how he ever got to be so lucky.

"I don't know what to say."

Steven moved closer to her and picked Jackie's hand up, interlacing their fingers before looking deep into her eyes. His free hand reached out to her and cupped her cheek. "Say you love it. Say we'll move in to that house, and eventually get married. That one day I will sit in the living room with you as we complain about the kids and their friends always gathering in our basement. Say that you want the house, the marriage, the kids, the life and you want it all with me."

She never broke his gaze. Too immersed in the plea in his eyes. This time the roles were reversed. This time he was before her, begging her to choose him, to choose them. But there was no choice. Not for Jackie. She'd made it a long time ago. She'd just been waiting for him to realize that he had to want to make it too. "I do. I want it all, with no one but you."

Steven let go of her hand took her face in both of hers. The smile he wore threatened to split his face. "I love you."

Jackie smiled as before leaning in to kiss him softly. "I love you."

It wasn't a proposal, but Jackie didn't want nor need one. What it was was infinitely more important. It was a promise for the future. It was everything she'd ever wanted being offered to her by the only man she'd ever want. It was more than anything she had words for.

It was life.

It was oxygen.

TBC…

A/N: Ok people only one more chapter to go and then it's all over. Hope you liked this one. Let me know. Review, Review, Review!!!!!!!! And stay tuned for the final chapter, coming soon!


	22. Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

December 31, 1989

Dear Log,

It's the last day of the 80s, tomorrow is a whole new decade and a whole new world. The first day of the last decade of the 20th century. And what a century it's been. I'm not talking about wars and peace marches. I'm talking about something infinitely more amazing. At least in my corner of the world. Ten years ago I was in Point Place, and although you could say that not much has changed since I'm in Point Place again tonight; nothing is the same.

We lost Red this year. Another heart attack and it almost killed me too. I didn't realise just how much the man had come to mean to me. He was the father I'd always wanted. A rock, and without him our little dysfunctional family seems a little less whole. Kitty is taking it well, focusing all her attention on her grandchildren so she feels a little less pain and a little more love. She tells me that she's glad he got to meet them; that they got to meet their grandpa Red and know what a wonderful man he was. And it's true. He really was a wonderful man. Beneath all the bluster and 'dumbasses' he was an amazing man.

I'm married now, have been for 8 years. In fact, it's our anniversary tonight. As corny as it might sound to other people, we chose to get married on New Years Eve. The ceremony probably would have surprised most people. It was very small. In the back yard of the Foreman's house. Under a sheet of stars, with only our closest family and friends there. We didn't do the whole big wedding, elaborate dress, and fancy dress code thing. But it was absolutely beautiful. It was amazing and one of the greatest nights of my life.

I say one of, because the night my daughter Layla Katherine was born is one of the few nights that can top that one. She came screaming into the world on the 4th of July 1984, of all days. Her grandpa Red was so excited. And two years later, on the 26th of October, her brother James Albert entered the world with little fan fare. They were the nights that I felt one hundred percent complete, and more love than I ever thought possible. When I held them in my arms for the first time… well it's just as all the corny ads, TV shows and books say. It changes your whole world.

And my world is going to change again. We're expecting another little one. Another girl. We've picked a name, Scarlet. We think her grandpa Red would have liked it. Scarlet Louise. She's not even in the world yet and I already love her to pieces. It's true you know. Everything they say about being a parent. It's all true.

But I never thought that it could be this wonderful. Being married with kids. Having a great house and a great job. I never thought it would happen for me, I thought it was the life reserved for other people. People like my friends. That I was destined to be the outsider looking in, like I'd always been. Let me tell you, the view from the inside is so much better.

So after 8 years of marriage, 2 kids and one on the way, I think I'm qualified to say now that life never turns out how you think it will. It's better. But only if you fight for it. If you work really hard and are prepared to say that you don't have all the answers and you need help. You have to be able to say 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' and 'I was wrong'. But the hardest of them all; 'goodbye'. You have to be able to leave the bad things behind and not let them dictate who you are and what you do. Something that was a very had lesson for me to learn. But I got there.

10 years ago, I was finally able to say goodbye to the life I had, the life that caused so much pain and was rewarded for it. I was given the most amazing gift for doing it. I was given my wife. Jackie Hyde.

If you'd told me 12 years ago that one day I'd be sitting in the Forman living room writing in a Journal and saying all the things I just have, I would have laughed in your face and told you to take another toke. But I am so damn thankful that I was wrong. I'm thankful that I woke the hell up. But most of all I'm thankful for my wife. She was the driving force, my strength. It's because of her that I have the titles Husband, Father, CEO. Without her I'd probably still be sitting in the basement, puffing on a joint and listening to Zeppelin all the while wondering 'why me'.

Instead I get to see my daughter's face light up as she yells 'daddy, daddy, I did it. I tied my shoe' and smile as I see that she's got them on the wrong feet. I get to hear my son speak a mile a minute and wonder when he learned all those words. I get to rest my hand on my wife's swollen stomach and feel my baby girl kick my hand. I get to hear the words 'I'm proud of you' and 'I love you' from the most beautiful woman in the world.

The life I have, I have because of her, Jackie Hyde, and one other amazing woman. Kitty Forman; My mother. The only mother I've ever known. Without her I don't know where I would be. And although I miss Red more than I can ever say, I'm thankful that he pulled me out of that house with Edna. The Foreman's saved my life, while Jackie made it complete.

I don't care about corny, or wussy. All I know is, life with love sure as hell beats life without it. And I hope I can be the father that Red didn't have to be. The husband that Jackie deserves and a son worthy of Kitty's love.

Happy 1990 Point Place,

Steven Hyde

**The End...**

_**A/N:** Ok everyone, this is the end of the road. The Hyde family is complete, and maybe happily ever after is too illusive to ever really obtain, to live is the most important part of that infamous line. And believe me, in my world, they lived. I hope you enjoyed living with them for a little while and I hope that I did them justice. _

_Thank you to everyone who stuck by this fic. Who reviewed and added the story to the alerts and their favourites. I can't ever begin to tell you how much it meant to me._

_Thank you so much for your support. I hope this ending is everything you all deserve it to be. _

_xx Ally_

_**12 Mar '09 - Here is a link to my version of the Hyde family tree if you're interested. Thought it might be helpful in keeping track of everything.**_

htt p : / / i2. photobucket . com / albums / y11 / randomisity / familytree. jpg

just remove the spaces.


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